Train

MARCH 6, 2024

OSAKA, JAPAN

The misting rain falling from the dull gray sky makes the 45 degree weather feel drastically colder than it is outside of Tri-Force Jiu Jitsu. After two hours of class, Bryan Dawkins is a mess with sweat glistening on his face, hair unkempt, heart rate still elevated and soreness overtaking his body.

That soreness comes not only from the aforementioned jiu jitsu session but also the beating that he took from Cancer Jiles mere days ago. A myriad of bumps, bruises and contusions marr the body of the former Flyin’ Hawaiian.

The most apparent proof of that contest is the bruising and swelling that covers Dawkins’ jaw, courtesy of the Terminal Cancer that ended the match.

The fact that he was able to fly back to Japan without exacerbating his injuries is a bit of a miracle. And yet, thanks to the wonderful travel arrangements worked into his new PRIME contract, he stands in the country he now calls home mere days after that hellacious match at ReVival 44.

He throws the hood over his head, slings the strap of the duffel bag over his shoulder and heads out into the elements. Downtown Osaka is bustling this morning with foot and vehicular traffic alike. The streets are crowded with adults and children headed to their respective employers and schools. Bryan continues along the familiar path, scanning the blocks through red, irritated eyes for his destination.

He dodges small puddles along the way until he sees the sign up ahead.

LiLo Coffee Roasters

Bryan always enjoyed coffee, but his discovery of LiLo was life changing (from a coffee perspective). Something about the aroma of the beans and the crisp taste of a freshly ground, freshly brewed cup just hit differently.

Huh, never knew he drank anything other than pineapple juice. Anyway…

Just as Bryan approaches the corner where the coffee shop sits, he hears a small voice cry out.

“Mr. Flyin’ Hawaiian! Stop! Bryan Dawwwwwwwwwwwkins!”

A bit startled, Dawkins turns around to see…nothing?

That is, until he sets his tired gaze lower, where a young girl stands. She can’t be more than ten, eleven years old? Clad in a bright yellow rain jacket and a blue…Homicycle?!...backpack, the girl has a cheshire grin painted across her tiny face.

She holds a plush pineapple with Bang! Pro Wrestling embroidered on one side and his face on the other. The tags are still on it.

A collector’s item.

“Bruhhhhhhhh, may I please have an autograph?”

Dawkins grins. This was a somewhat common occurrence during his time in Japan but was much more common in the states. Something about the American people made their fandom more…entitled? Restaurants, gyms, coffee shops, airports, nothing was off limits. Wrestlers are given no privacy.

But this little girl’s request? Dawkins recognizes it - it’s genuine. She holds the pineapple high, hoping he’ll grab it.

He obliges.

“No problem, bruh!”

As he signs his name on the tag, she implores.

“When are you coming back home?”

She pauses. Dawkins is confused.

“Home?”

“Yes, home. To Bang!”

Ugh. That was a punch to the gut.

“Katsumi - don’t trouble the young man! Mind your manners.”

Saved by the dad. He swoops in as his daughter’s plush is being returned to its owner - she beams with excitement as she displays the newly minted collector’s item to her father.

“No worries - happy to do it, bruh. Have a good day at school!”

A handshake is exchanged and they head off while Dawkins ducks into his favorite coffee shop.

***

The notes app on the MacBook sits open and complete empty. The cursor blinks, mocking Bryan with each passing moment.

Why does this have to be so damn hard?

The assignment was simple: journal. Talk about the good, the bad, the ugly. If it impacts his day in one way or another, document it.

The encounter on the way to the coffee shop certainly impacted his day. Bryan hasn’t stopped thinking about it and it’s been half a day since it happened.

After one last deep breath, he begins to type. What starts as a trickle of words quickly turns into a deluge.

Jiu jitsu was pretty bad today. Couldn’t keep it together. Mind felt foggy.

Feeling beat up after blowing it against Jiles the other day. Eyes are still red and uncomfortable. Jaw still bruised, haven’t been able to eat solid food pain free since before the match. All crushed pineapple for now.

Feels like I blew another one. Had the win in the palm of my hands but couldn’t deliver. Seems like a theme…

Shoulda beaten Mar and Van Slade.

Shoulda beaten Jiles.

Need to beat FLAMBERGE.

Did I make a mistake?

Should I have stayed in Bang!?

Maybe PRIME has passed the Bruh by.

Maybe the first time around in PRIME wasn’t a fluke after all. Maybe that’s just me.

Never serious.

Never a threat.

I did everything right. I trained well. I prepped well. Still blew it.

Maybe I should go back to Bang!

Maybe I should be injured again.

Maybe I shouldn’t do this anymore.

Maybe I need to move on.

This is supposed to feel good.

It’s supposed to be therapeutic.

A brain dump, if you will. Empty the mind, start with a clean slate.

Instead, Bryan feels more alone than ever in a city that houses nearly 2.7 million people.

Just like he felt alone on his back following the three count on Friday night in front of 14 thousand people.

All he has is what’s around him.

The one bedroom flat.

Gray furniture.

Plant in the corner.

Original print of The Great Wave.

No success.

No fulfillment.

Just his thoughts.

And they’re not good.

***

MARCH 8, 2024

DAWKINS RESIDENCE

OSAKA, JAPAN

The counseling session begins with Annie Kim’s smiling face being met with its antithesis.

As evidenced by the bags under his already irritated and inflamed eyes, sleep hasn’t come easy (or at all) for Bryan lately.

Bloodshot eyes are framed between a bird’s nest of hair and a beard which is a few weeks’ longer than usual.

An emotionless gaze replaces the trademark smirk and grin.

“So Bryan…how have you been?”

Bryan wishes this was one of those famous Annie Kim rhetorical questions.

“Uh…been better, bruh. If ya read the first journal entry, I think ya know where I am.”

Annie frowns at the sad shell of a man on the other side of the world.

“Mmmhmm. So let’s talk about it. Obviously last Friday didn’t go as planned. But there were positives, right? You had Jiles on the ropes. You had the job done. If he hadn’t cheated - and yeah, let’s call it what it was, cheating - you’d have won. I’m not sure there’s a lot to be disappointed about.”

At least she does her research.

“How are your eyes? And jaw?”

Hmm, maybe she actually watched the match?

“Well…”

He gestures at his facial area, highlighting the irritation and inflammation around his eyes and the swollen bruise on his jaw.

“...not great. Painful. Had a hard time seein’ on the plane ride home. But I can deal with that, bruh.”

Deep breath.

“What I can’t deal with are the excuses. The failure. The disappointment. You read the journal. I don’t even know if I should be here.”

That immediate reflex of a counselor who has just heard their patient even hint at something that could resemble self harm.

“Surely you don’t mean that, do you?”

The defense.

“No, no, bruh. Not like that. I mean don’t know if I should be in PRIME. I wonder if I made a mistake.”

Relief rushes over Annie.

“Because you’re having a rough time getting up to speed? Remember what we talked about last time? You need to give yourself some grace. What you did leading up to last Friday was a remarkable change for you. You didn’t expect things to turn around overnight, did you?”

There they are, the Annie Kim Rhetorical Questions™.

“If you take that level of preparation and apply it to nearly any other opponent, you walk out of ReVival with a win. I’d be willing to bet my next paycheck on that.”

She was being nice. Supportive. Doing what she’s supposed to do as a counselor. But as with everything, there’s a grain of truth there.

“Here’s the problem, bruh. Next week, it’s déjà vu. I’ve got another former Universal Champion. A former Universal Champion who recently had a 12 match win streak. A former Universal Champion who defeated Ivan Stanislav.”

“FLAMBERGE.”

“Yep…the Neck Collector Bruh. The Lizard King. Bruh’s no joke.”

“Neither was Jiles, right? And you almost beat him.”

Almost.

Almost doesn’t count in PRIME.

PRIME deals in absolutes.

You either win or you don’t.

There are no moral victories.

“Last time I checked, no one came out to see someone who had a list full of almosts, bruh.”

“You might be right, Bryan. But last time I checked, the arenas were full of plush pineapples, BRUH t-shirts and white sunglasses. And it doesn’t matter whether those people are in the United States, Japan, or anywhere in between. They come to see Bryan Dawkins. They come to see the Flyin’ Hawaii–...”

“Former…”

“I’m sorry, former Flyin’ Hawaiian. To some extent, Bryan, the wins and losses don’t matter.”

Dawkins sighs.

“Gonna go ahead and disagree with ya there.”

“We’ll agree to disagree. What I think you need to realize is that the wins and losses are a footnote on your career, Bryan. You’re going to be remembered in the wrestling industry for being Bryan Dawkins, not for wins and losses. And really at the end of the day, you can do that in Bang! or you can do it in PRIME. It doesn’t matter.”

As always, there is a kernel of truth in Annie’s words.

“What does matter is that you made the decision to go to PRIME. Remember what we talked about last time? You may live in Osaka but PRIME is home. You said that yourself.”

Annie is right. Bryan made the decision to leave Bang! and return to the place that gave him his big break. Maybe it was fear of returning to a Bang! ring after the injury in the Terminus Complex. Maybe it was nostalgia. Maybe it was a desire to make things right after his initial run went south. Whatever it was, the decision to return to PRIME was a conscious decision and both Bryan and Annie know this.

“I just don’t know how to get over the hump anymore, bruh. Before, it was easy. Flyin’ around the ring was instinct. Throwin’ myself into harm’s way was normal. I could throw caution to the wind and come out the other side with one more in the win column. Can’t do that now.”

“Who says you can’t? How long have you been practicing jiu jitsu, Bryan? Twelve years, if my notes are correct. You’re telling me there’s no instinct involved there?”

Again, she’s right.

“There is, but it’s differ–”

“How?”

“It just is, bruh.”

“Are you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Success.”

A sarcastic chuckle from the patient. Afraid of success? Really?

“You may laugh, but it’s common. And you know how it usually manifests? Self sabotage.”

Self sabotage? Honestly, that’s where we’re going with this?

“You’re talented. We’ve established that multiple times over. But it doesn’t matter how talented you are if you continually self sabotage and set yourself up to fail. So here’s your assignment for this week.”

A deep inhale for Bryan. The first assignment took him two weeks to start.

“I want you to continue the journaling…”

Great.

“...but in these entries, I want you to focus on nothing but your upcoming match. I want you to focus on ReVival 45. I want you to focus on the TD Garden. I want you to focus on FLAMBERGE. I want you to focus on beating FLAMBERGE…”

She pauses and grins.

“...and then I want you to beat FLAMBERGE.”

She makes it sound so easy.

“Good luck, Bryan. We’ll touch base in a couple of weeks. Have a good evening!”

As the Zoom call closes, Dawkins’ heart rate elevates. Could be nerves. Could be anxiety. But also, could be…excitement?

***

Again the cursor pulses on the blank journal. This time, not for long.

FLAMBERGE. Where to begin, bruh?

Head(?) of the Glue Bruhs. 

Former Universal Champ - with emphasis on ‘former’.

Undefeated in 2023. Longest win streak in PRIME.

Collector of necks.

That’s an impressive resume, bruh.

Some might consider you more dangerous than ever, bruh. I’m sure you’re pissed. But…you’re also desperate. Gotta get the Glue Train back on the tracks before ya get to the bridge that is Culture Shock, bruh.

Unfortunately, your railcars have nothin’ but problems. Farthingbruh can’t put down the bottle. Hayes is pickin’ a fight with a bad, baaaaad bruh. Your tag team doesn’t even have a division where they can compete. You’ve got a bunch of bolts shakin’ the hitches loose. To top it off, the conductor…well, he ran the train off the tracks.

You’re runnin’ out of time, bruh. You gotta make a statement at ReVival 45. In front of twenty thousand screaming fans. You’ve got everything to lose. You don’t beat the Bruh and suddenly, War Games becomes the least of your problems. Lose in Boston and FLAMBERGE’s got a new streak going.

0 AND 2

Doesn’t have the same ring as 12 AND 0, does it, bruh?

I know how hard it is to get that train back on the tracks, bruh. When it comes to PRIME, my train’s been off the tracks for over a decade. I know how hard it is to get the train back where it belongs. I almost beat one former Universal Champ last time I was out there. I was THIS close. I’ve got nothin’ to lose, bruh. In the end, only one train gets back on the track at ReVival 45. Unfortunately for you, that train isn’t carrying glue.

It’s carrying pineapples.