A New Lease on Life

If I told you about all the things I've seen in this world, you wouldn't believe me.

Seriously. I know everyone says that, but I've been to places you couldn't imagine. Hell, last week I watched Fred fuck a poodle. A poodle.

I digress. We're not here to talk about Fred or poodles, we're here to talk about Rob Williams and Complete Abandon. Which, personally, I think is an even more epic story than Fred fucking a poodle.

Now, to understand my take on this, you first have to get that I'm still relatively new to their camp. And let me tell you, boy, life was not very cash-money before Lem brought me into the fold. People would just as soon kick me in the ribs as they would look at me twice. I been chased out of just about every damn establishment I've ever made it into. Kids terrorized me for fun. To put a bow on it, I haven't had many friends.

Then I met Lem. He found me hanging around at this homeless shelter in a place called Philadelphia. I was going through the garbage cans, as one does. You'd be amazed at the shit people throw away. I swear, in that one alone I found a third of a hot dog. Who's gonna throw away a goddamn third of a hot dog? Same type of son of a bitch that would yell at me to get out.

Sorry, I have trouble focusing sometimes.

Anyways - this guy Lem found me. When everybody else yells to get out, this guy tells me I'm handsome and good. Can you imagine that? You got nothing but knocks, every man, woman, and child telling you that you stink and you're scum. Then this feller comes round and says you're good.

He cleaned me up real good. Told me he was going to take me back to meet his family and that they were all gonna love me. He kept talking about this guy Rob and his dad. Said that Rob was on a mission and that I could be a part of it. That I could be a part of his family. Little ol' me! Well, needless to say, I would’ve killed half a dozen strangers to have a family. I mean I’d kill half a dozen strangers for a third of a hot dog. For a family? I’ll burn down the world.

Lem wasn’t lying. As soon as I met Rob, I knew he was special. He's cool and just commands respect everywhere he goes. There's an animal magnetism to him. Just like all the people at the camp, I started following him around everywhere. At first, he tried to push me away. Slowly that grew to indifference. Now and then he would give me whatever he didn’t finish from his plate. Now? I’m sleeping in his RV. Basically, we’re friends, and I haven't had many of those.

I’m the only one he’ll talk to his dad around. All the people here try to listen in. It drives Rob up the wall, but not when I’m listening in. Sometimes he even asks me what I think of the things his dad talks to him about. I’m kind of like a number two around camp. Not that I think status is important, I’m just happy to not be homeless anymore. I tell you, I hate to think where I'd be right now without Lem and Rob and the rest of the people here at camp.

Just like he warmed up to me, he’s warming up to the Complete Abandon people. He tells me that Lem reminds him of himself when he was younger. He used to throw the coffee they made him out, but he seems to be enjoying it now. He sits in the mornings with his dad and drinks the coffee and they talk about things like false prophets and acceptance and faith and humility. I don't know what any of those things mean, but I nod and smile. It's just nice, you know, to be included.

I've seen a difference in the way he talks to them since I started hanging around. He doesn't like them the way he likes me, but he doesn't hate them anymore and I'd venture to say he's moving past indifference. Which is good, because they are all nice to me. We're friends.

Sure, Rob can be mean as a one-eyed raccoon trapped in a dumpster, but that’s just cause nobody’s ever told him he’s good. If I could talk, I would tell Rob Williams that he is a good boy. I would tell him he is the most handsome boy ever and that I love him. He'd know the difference he's made in my life, hell, in all of our lives here at the camp. We've all been given a new lease on life.

So for now, I will do what I can. Which is basically just following him around so he knows he's never alone. I would tell him he's my best friend.

But such are the limitations of being a dog.

P.S. I hate the name Boots, but any port in a storm.