Jake Farley Journals Part II

Squashed in a crate with the boss should have been a great time.

Right?

It wasn’t.

Even in the dark I could feel him staring a hole through my skull.

It wasn’t my fault, I kept thinking to myself.

I saw an opportunity for us, and I took it. I didn’t know what we were going to be mixed in with.

“Seriously?”

Note to self, do not under any circumstances try to sneak in with Don Winters possessions ever AGAIN.

“At least Pious Penguin isn’t in this crate, I could imagine how he would be judging us.”

“How can you even tell? Its dark.”

“And hells hot.”

There was silence.

“Heh, you are ok, man.”

After years of knowing him, I knew Stefan enjoys a good old school rap line.

This was our chance though. We needed to be at Culture Shock because things needed to move faster when threats are tossed around towards the boss.

Not like he even noticed.

Everyone is new to him.

“We need to whisper though. We don’t want anyone discovering we snuck onto the USS Octane.”

The USS Octane bankrupted someone before and then was just stolen by Cancer Jiles…is what I was told.

“How about you get us out of this crate, I don’t know what I am sitting on, but it is beginning to enter the no entry zone.”

I am sure it was just a puppet or maybe it was supplies for all the wonderful kids that Don has adopted but, I again felt Stefan staring at me angrily.

“Maybe we can kick it open?”

“Maybe YOU can kick it open?”

“Maybe I can.”

SO, I DID!

I kicked and I kicked, and I pushed, and I pushed and NO I did not skate!

“Thought we were supposed to be quiet.”

What a smart ass.

It slowly opened and I saw light…well as much light as someone can see in this dank and dark run-down warship that Cancer Jiles uses to smuggle women around the world.

ALLEGEDLY.

“Make sure Laser isn’t there waiting to pounce.”

Oh, he ded, right?

Oh, wait…

“Who?”

Pause.

“Nobody, a complete and utter nothing. So, we good or what?”

I didn’t see anything, so I kicked a few more times and the side of the crate opened, and we both spilled out like we were tuna from a can.

Mmm…food.

I wonder…

“Ok, what’s the plan now Jac…Jake?”

We are both bad at this and my stomach is growling.

“Let’s skedaddle, boss.”

And with that we slowly emerged with what little of our dignity we had left. Let’s be honest…there wasn’t much left anyway.

It was then, we heard the sound of playful children and an animal…a Goat maybe? They were coming our way. I grabbed some clothes that fell out with us and did not have time to look at it. With that we scurried out of the holding and into a barely lit hallway. It looked oddly familiar though.

“Ugh.”

Uh oh.

It was at this point I looked at the clothes and had zero idea how we were going to pull this off. Two brightly colored chasubles were gripped in my right hand. I had to google what it was called so in my head at that time I thought ‘long dress like cape thing that Priests wear.’

Stay classy, I thought as I looked from the Chasuble to Stefan. I held one out to him, he looked down at it and then back at me.

“If I go up in flames, we know he is real.”

“If you don’t?”

“I would just know that everything I ever done was right and the just thing to do.”

Oh.

No.

I mean…IHOPS is a very upstanding company with only the greatest of people involved in it.

“But…won’t we stand out too much,” I quipped as I watched Stefan slowly put the crimson-colored Chasuble on, mine was also crimson and I wanted to yell 'twinning,' but thought better. Small steps to maturity.

“We are doing God’s work, Jake, nobody would dare question our legitimacy.”

I am sure we will be forgiven someday.

“Where to first?”

“TO THE BAMBOO LOUNGE!” He exclaimed to the hard gray metal ceiling and then his mouth shut, and he looked around before continuing, “Er…I heard that’s where they get food and I know you are hungry.”

What a goalie.

What a save.

That’s our Stefan Hariston for you.

But I had wondered earlier, and food from Bamboo Lounge is eggcellent.

“Why are we going through this mess anyway?”

He hadn’t caught on to the money missing yet or what I was using it for. I didn’t feel like meeting Igor at the bottom the ocean so keeping the boss in the dark for the time being was paramount.

“The Cecilworth Farthington shirts are flying off the racks and just imagine how many we can sell where he is most popular!”

“England?”

“No, Wales, same thing, right?”

“To quicken this conversation, I will say yes. Everyone in the UK is the same no matter if you are Scottish, English, or Welsh. Long live the Queen, Bruv.”

“Then we gonna make that bank!”

I wiped my brow from the sweat that had started but it had stopped quickly since Stefan was concentrating on shirt sales.

“Ok, well let’s go pray for people and eat some food.”

“What if we see Jiles?”

“Never heard of him.”

We started walking slowly as I tried to think of how to respond to what Stefan said. We got to a set of stairs and carefully moved towards the deck of the USS Octane where dreams come true…just kidding they literally die at the hands of the eGG Bandits.

Stefan looked at me as we got to the top and put his hands together, put his head to his hands, and tilted it to side as if he was sleeping and he let out a long noise.

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

I blinked.

Uh.

WE ARE ON OUR WAY!