Three Way Times Two

~🌈~

It ain't my favorite drink. Not even close, if I'm bein’ totally honest. I end up adding so much cream and sugar to it, kinda feels like it defeats the purpose. I can go for a decent mocha, though. Typically, I'll go for some pop instead. Yet, here I am, staring down at a drink I don't really want cuz Kohime wanted to go to a cafe.

I coulda gotten a hot chocolate or even the mocha I just referenced. But I haven't exactly been thinking clearly lately. Ya know what makes that tough to do? When you got two other bitches constantly yammering on in your head. Add in to that trying to help Seán out, not exactly being thrilled with my current career trajectory and just having to face the unknown. Kohime's speaking and I'm catching snippets of it, but only that.

“-can't believe Ivan would do that… Blake isn't a wrestler! Even if he did jump the guardrail, that's no excuse! Ivan shouldn-”

I get why she's pissed. Blake can be a bit of a brat, but he's a sweet kid. He also ain't a wrestler, as she said. For a man the size of Ivan, he sure has some bitch behavior at times. I'm sure he'll hide behind the excuse that the other Coltons jumped into action as some weak ass reason for why his behavior is justified. That's how he is. Don't think he's always been that way, but for a while now, that's who he's been.

I'm sure I'll visit Blake in the hospital, but I gotta keep my eyes forward. Fuck, I did not make this coffee sweet enough! How the hell do people drink this shit black?! That has to take a certain lack of taste or a higher level of self hated, if I had to guess. Whatever. Suppose I'll add a few more sugar packets and a couple of those little creamer cups that are way too fuckin’ small to be useful without using half a box of ‘em.

I'm fighting to find ways to push Seán forward. I think he's done a lot of growing already. Like, I'm legitimately impressed. I wish he woulda picked up the win against Sage, but that's just how wrestling goes sometimes. If anything, I think gettin' him to lighten up can only help. He gets too stiff, too rigid in the ring sometimes. He wants to be liked, but he's gotta go about it naturally. I like the steps he's taken so far. I think he's truly progressed.

“Should I?”

Oh right, ‘Hime.

“Hm? Sorry, spaced out for a second.”

“I said I kind of want to give Ivan a piece of my mind for what he did. Should I?”

I love Kohime. She's pretty much sunshine given human life. I've gotten to know her well enough to know what she's thinking sometimes. In this case? She's hoping a scolding from her will give Ivan pause, make him rethink the way he's going about stuff. Poor girl doesn't get that he's gone. He's too far down his current path to turn back.

“You can, ‘Hime. Real talk, though? Not sure it'll matter. Prick is just gonna blow you off like everyone else. He'll just be more polite about it, is all.”

I don't like bringing her mood down like that. I'm not one of those ‘the world is tough, so you gotta be too’ types. I do believe it to a degree, but for someone as innocent and kind as Kohime? I want her to stay that way. Shit, I wish I was a bit more like that myself. Not sure I wanna tell her that, though.

Over the last half a year or so, shit has changed for me. I feel this responsibility, an obligation, to support those younger than me. Kohime, the Trash, hell, even Nate Colton to a degree. Yeah, he's way more successful than me, but I've been through some shit he'll most likely never experience. I'm the oldest of three children and I'm starting to see that bleed into my professional life.

Maybe that's really why I wanna help Seán? That big sister instinct in me. Even if he's older, he's looking for expertise in an area I know a thing or two about. Wanting to be liked… Everybody wants it to some degree. Even a shit head like Cancer Jiles surrounds himself with people he thinks he can count on. Fuckin' Max Kael is all buddy buddy with Ivan. Socialization and comradery is a part of the human condition.

I can see the good in O’Neill. Hell, I think there's actually quite a bit of it, if I'm being honest. But he's gotta believe it. And he's gotta be willing to let it shine through. The tricks I've shown him to play towards the crowd? That'll help. But he's gotta let the best of himself be what people see. That's easy to say, but I can only encourage him to bring it out. I can't do it for him, I can't force it to the forefront.

“I just feel so helpless…”

I reach over and place my hand over top of hers. I could say something here, but nothing I put out there verbally will fix her anxious heart. Physical comfort; it's a pretty useful tool when words fail you. I do care and I do feel bad. But what more can I do? I can't make Blake better. I'm not in a position to cut Ivan’s assholery short. This is all I can do.

“Things will get better, ‘Hime.”

That one slipped out without thinking. I'm not that mad about it. I'm supposed to be a source of positivity, right? I try to be. It ain't easy with a lot of the negativity that's infested PRIME. I lose my temper sometimes, despite my best efforts to control it. I know what happens when I don't. Stay in your cage, bitch, I ain't letting you out.

That smile on her face… Soft, sweet, but uncertain. I won't call her on it. We all do that as friends, don't we? You get to know someone well enough, little things about them start to stand out. She wants to believe me, believe things can always be safe and just. She's learning, though. The world is rough, sad to say. Our dreams, our goals, we don't get those things without some kind of sacrifice. Speaking of sacrifice…

I have a match with Crash and Sebastian Gold. Did Crash lose his last name? I swear he used to have one. He should do what Gary did and get adopted by Ti- Okay, I'm getting off on a tangent. Not trying to be a cocky bitch, but I gotta be the favorite in this. Most experience, been rolling despite my recent stumbles, have plenty of fuckin’ knowledge when it comes to navigating multi-person matches.

Sorry boys, Mommy ain't in a generous mood. Not looking to gift anyone an upset. I like Crash. He's a good dude and we got some stuff in common, like being scatterbrained to fuck and back and thinking hot dogs are awesome. But the truth, as mean as it might be, is that I feel like I'm his ceiling. His rocket can only carry him so far while mine still’s got plenty of fuel left. I hope he can keep up, but I ain't seeing it.

Even though he's only a few years younger than me, I'm gonna call Sebastian Gold ‘Kid’. I mean it in an endearing way, less so in a demeaning one. He got a pretty solid victory over Bumble Bridgerton. Good way to start. But it's a good thing the dude is a stuntman. He'll be used to crashing and burning. He wants a thrill? Cool. There's a problem, though. PRIME ain't got no safety net.

I wanna see what this kid’s got. I'm a tankie little bitch, he's gonna have to hammer on me for awhile if that's his strategy. This is what I hate about facing unknowns. Sometimes, you get a John Obvious, other times you get a Daytona Diamonds. Yeah, still bitter about that, why do you ask? Kid better bring it, cuz I sure as hell am.

~👿~

This is a fucking waste of time.

Seriously. Why aren't we at the gym? Why aren't we smacking around indy trash? I can think of so many alternatives, and yeah, Rainbow Bitch is just gonna sit here and let Mori moan and whine about how unfair life can be. Mori is a good kid, one of the better people around. But she needs to toughen the hell up!

She doesn't like what Ivan did. I don't see her doing anything about it. Rainbow Bitch won't either. I've never understood this ‘code’ certain people stick to. This attitude that you need to ‘take the high road.’ If the dick heads around you are going low, go lower. I don't sink to others' level, I drag them down to mine. Make them survive in your world.

I know she hears me. She tries so hard to block it out, at least when other people are around. That's the thing; when we're in private, her and Lockhart are more than happy to bitch at me, tell me how wrong I am for my approach to things. So worried about others and how we're perceived. Can't even see I'm putting our interests first. Call me selfish if you want, I don't give a shit.

It's like this whole O’Neill crap we're wasting our time with. Oh no, people don't like him! Boo fucking hoo. Emoberry will tell you crowd support can drive you, push you past your limit when you think you're spent. Garbage. It's just time wasted pandering to morons who want something; a fucking autograph, a brush with fame, some ultimately meaningless light in their otherwise pathetic existence. Makes me sick.

If O’Neill really wants success, he should do whatever he has to in order to secure it. But that's not what he wants, is it? Love and acceptance. Pitiful. Him and the brain damaged whore have more in common than either realize. Maybe he can learn to be as big a waste as she is? Slapping hands with fake fucking smiles before getting smacked down in the ring.

Great, heading to the bathroom. Even her fucking bladder is weak. She starts washing her hands after doing her business. I don't think anyone else is around…

“How long are we gonna entertain this shit?”

She looks up at the mirror. I know she can see me in it.

“Shut up. ‘Hime’s struggling right now and she could use the support.”

Support? Are we a fucking bra? Tell her what she needs to hear.

“She needs to toughen up. How long are you gonna coddle her?”

Huff and roll your eyes all you want. I'm right. I'm actually trying to do Mori a favor here. Of course, you're too ‘good’ to see that.

“She doesn't need to be like me and she sure as hell doesn't need to be like you!”

Oh for fuck's sake. Really? You've got more important things to worry about than Mori’s innocence. How about Hot Dog Boy and Sebitchtian Gold? Business needs to be taken care of.

“Get your head out of your ass! The world will eventually eat her alive. You're worried about her, O'Neill, those fucking Furies kids, the Coltons… Fucking hell, put us first for once!”

It's such bullshit! Rainbow Bitch just needs to get out of the way. Stack the bodies, let Troy sort them out. It's no wonder she can't beat that woman. We're going to end up losing everything, all because this stupid whore is spreading us too thin. That's fine. Weaken yourself. It'll just make it easier for me to take control when the time is right.

“We tried that once, remember? How'd that go? Oh right, I had to be made to fix the fuckin' mess that happened because of it! Oh hey, you think if we did do it again, there'd be another me? Maybe we should try it?"

Jesus Christ, this fucking moron…

“Thanks for that, by the way, Lockhart. Maybe next time, you can actually finish the job? But hey, just a continued legacy of failure for you, huh?”

Fuck it, might as well get a shot in on that one while I'm at it. This is all her fault to begin with. Why fight bullies when you can just cry and shove all your trauma onto me, right? Weak ass bitch. Oh fuck… I shouldn't have said anything.

~🔒💛~

My heart goes out to Kohime.

She really wants to believe everyone has goodness in them. She can't see that she's an exception, not the rule. I appreciate how Rainbow handles her; Never dismissive, rarely loses her temper, supports her… Kohime deserves friends that are good to her. She deserves a guy like Nate as her boyfriend. I still have a lot of guilt over how I treated her. I wish I could say it wasn't me or make some other excuse up. But no, I made a choice to act the way I did.

That's kinda my career, and life honestly, in a nutshell. I just have this knack for making either terrible choices, or making the wrong choice at the wrong time. I'm a fighter in every sense of the word, but that was never my intention. Even still, there's times where the choices I make roughens up the road a bit. Rainbow makes things challenging deliberately. I just seem to do so without meaning to.

Wonderful, they're both throwing shade at me. I think Rainbow is more just stating facts. Nightshade? She's trying to fuck with me. Fine.

“I notice you never made any serious attempts when you did have control. But hey, no surprise. You're a selfish, hypocritical cunt.”

It's weird to think her and I coexisted peacefully for a short time. She's different now. She used to have a light to her that shone through the darkness. That's no longer the case. I thought she was gone anyway. But the accident… Not only did Nightshade emerge from it, but that seemed to be the cause of the change.

“Big talk for a coward too scared to even take control of her own body!”

I know she has a point. That doesn't mean I have to like it. I… I don't feel like I deserve to be in control. I just did what I always do… Hid. No different than when I'd hear the terrible shit from other kids in school. My own mind, essentially the empty locker room I'd go and cry in. I'm ashamed of it. But what am I supposed to do? Ignore the overdose? Act like I didn't treat my friends like garbage before that? No. I deserve to suffer.

“Uh, gals? As much as I'd love to keep arguin’ with ya, we've been in here for a bit. Probably should go so ‘Hime doesn't get worried. And so we don't get caught arguing with ourselves.”

Rainbow’s right. It usually doesn't take ten minutes to pee. Besides which, I'm not really in the mood to argue with Nightshade any further. She craves conflict, anger, venom. It fuels her. I'm not interested in giving anything else toward that insatiable appetite of hers.

We take back our seat across from Kohime. She's texting on her phone, obviously engrossed in whatever conversation she's having. I'm kinda glad. I'm not sure Rainbow would have come up with an excuse that didn't sound ridiculous. For all of her good points, Rainbow does tend to be… let's be nice and say flighty. There's not always much forethought or planning on her actions or words.

“I think I'm gonna go visit Blake again. I'm probably gonna spend some time with Nate afterwards. I think we could both use it.”

I know that'll disappoint Rainbow. After Sid, she's been feeling clingy. Her and I are kind of the same. But she's turned up to eleven, on top of being impulsive and reckless. So we're similar, but different.

“It's fine, ‘Hime! I'll try to go see him after my match.”

That's where our focus needs to be, I hate to say it. Kohime and Blake will be there after. Seán will be there after. I respect what Rainbow has been trying to do for O'Neill. Seems like the dude could use the kindness, regardless of if this whole training stuff actually works. I have to wonder… Is she helping him to be a good person? Or because she's a bit lonely? Maybe it's both? Would that make her selfish for that? And even so, if good comes of it, is it really that bad?

I suppose I'm dropping a lot of hope onto the shoulders of Rainbow. I know it's not fair. Maybe someday, I'll be strong enough to be the one carrying the load. Maybe someday, I'll face my shame and gain the confidence I never truly had. Maybe maybe maybe… Until the maybes disappear, I have to take a backseat, for the benefit of everyone.

Enough of my pity party. Rainbow has a match. Crash Jackson; he beat Kerry Kuroyama, something we failed at. He pushed Max Kael to the limit. Crash is very much a threat. She has to ignore his goofy, disarming charm. I'm not sure if it's genuine or an act, but I'm leaning towards it being real. Gotta treat him like any other opponent. Wouldn't surprise me if there's some kind of nonsense between those two at some point in the match.

This Sebastian Gold guy is intriguing. Harley Walker, he's not. Younger. Better attitude. My question is how badly does he want it? No matter who it is, myself, Nightshade, Rainbow, we've sacrificed for wrestling cuz we love it. Our back screams every time we climb out of bed. Our knees ache any time we have to use stairs. Blood, sweat, things given that we can never get back. How much is he willing to sacrifice?

I wonder that about both guys. We're not even 30 yet and I'm not sure even surgery will fix us by the time we retire. We've ruined ourselves for wrestling, both physically and emotionally. We were never normal, never will be. They should consider this their trial. We're the judge and jury. If they aren't worthy, not dedicated, we'll be their executioner as well. Better bring it, boys. Half measures are as bad as no effort. Leave it all out there. We will be.

Rainbow and Kohime pay for their drinks on their way out of the cafe. The slumped shoulders, the tiniest hint of a frown… Kohime still needs something…

“Hey.”

She looks over to Rainbow. God, that look… It's like someone kicked a puppy. A hand goes to her shoulder and Rainbow puts on her best smile, the one reserved for her closed friends and family.

“When you go, be you. Bring that brightness only you can. Nate could use it and Blake definitely could.”

A small smile. There's still storm clouds, but some sunlight is starting to break through.

“Thank you, Miss Ria. I needed that.”

Stuff like this is what I was talking about earlier. Giving Kohime just what she needs. Bring out the very best in her, allow her to be the best Kohime she can be. I worry a lot. Way more than the other two. Can't help it, it's just how I've always been. But moments like this? They give me relief. They make me feel like everything is alright. We're gonna be okay, no matter what comes our way. I'll put my faith in that. I don't have much choice, but even if I did, I wouldn't change a thing.

We're gonna be okay.