Scott Hunter Presents: What is a New Year and How Does it Work?

Hello everyone, my name is Scott. You may know me as a member of Vae Victis, which I have recently learned to spell correctly, or as the very best friend of someone who needs no introduction, so do not ask me to introduce him because I will not do it because it is not needed! But he is from Seattle and we are the coolest duo since Alf and that little boy who played the little boy on Alf. My personal assistant Craig said that was a dated reference but Craig does not know what he’s talking about so I told him to shut the hell up and to go pick up my dry cleaning before it gets too late which is funny because joke’s on him, I don’t have any dry cleaning. Alf and the little boy on Alf. That’s the reference. Two thousand twenty four just ended a few days ago and I have to say, after successfully completing the year undefeated in singles competition I am looking forward to this new year. Already I have told my good friend Kerry Kuroyama WHO DOES NOT NEED AN INTRODUCTION that this is the year we become even more liked and famouser than any other duo on planet Earth, including Martin Short and Meryl Streep who are well known for that television show Only Mothers in the Building. I asked Lindsay Troy if that is why people call her mom, because she is always in the building and she told me, and I quote, “Shut up, Scott.” That may sound mean to you but it is not because it is how she expresses her affection for people she really likes. Another thing I would like to talk to you all about is that last show we had last year –  Storm, I think it was called. Or maybe Shadowcat. That doesn’t sound right either. Psylocke? No. OOOH! ICEMAN! That is appropriate because I think I am getting colder. I can’t think of it right now. It was one of the X-Men is all I know. If I find out it was Professor X or Cyclops I will be very upset because those would be super obvious and I would then be forced to berate someone for coming up with such super obvious names for a wrestling show. Next time maybe don’t use an X-Men name for our shows here in PRIME and then I won’t have to try to remember which one it is. There are so many. I like Wolverine. He has claws. Like I was saying, ABOUT THE SHOW! On night one of Cyclops 2024 another of my very good friends, the very large and very Texan Clay Byrd, managed to hold off Fred (because he cut the Dick off) like I knew that he would. After Mr. Penis went pee pee on Clay’s dad’s final resting spot, I knew that he was in for a good beating, and that is what he got, a good beating. That will teach him to drink so much Sprite before visiting a cemetery. Why are you drinking Sprite in a cemetery anyway? It makes no kind of sense. Everyone knows Mountain Dew is the official drink of cemeteries and because you disrespected cemetery tradition, you were cursed with small bladder syndrome and went pee pee in a place that eventually caused you a face punching. Texans like to punch faces anyway. Why provoke one? They also like barbecue and chili without beans. And don’t get me started on the Tex Mex. Clay has told me that if I pronounce tortillas wrong one more time he will kick me right in the face with his spurs, which sounds very painful unless he means the San Antonio Spurs but I would not like that either because David Robinson is my favorite spur of all time but he is retired now. He was an admiral. I like boats. On night two of Professor X 2024 I have to say that the main event was really something special. I heard all about the cute story that Coral Avalon told to his daughter about something or other that I don’t really remember the specifics of right now and I found that incredibly touching. It made me feel like a Grinch because the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes larger after hearing a cute story also because that’s what cute stories do. I don’t make the rules. I also thought that Brandon Youngblood did exceptionally well. Not cute story well, but well. I was cheering for him during the match though. I was backstage yelling at the tv monitors ‘Let’s Go Brandon!!' Haha, I have had that one in the tank for a while now. (sigh) Anyhoo. I understand now what it means when people call something the main event because that show was an event and it was pretty much the main one. I heard of another event where a bunch of people died and were exploded like an overcooked meatloaf but I thought that sounded really stupid and self-indulgent, not to mention stupid, not to mention dumb, not to mention shut up you bald headed underdeveloped pile of donkey turds and rice. Fortunately they are all dead now. That sounds like a mean thing to say but that is only because you do not understand subtext. So next time maybe look up the word subtext and make sure you understand when I use that. It helps a lot. Or, you can pay me $2,200 and I will teach you what it means. Finally something I want to say before I go is that I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in PRIME because I have never been made to feel included among so many people who are friendly, accepting, kind, dramatic, needy, vindictive, stressed out, accepting, kind, friendly, humorous, comedic, riotous, ludicrous, luciferian, facetious, Charles Nelson Reilly, flippant, kind, friendly, Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon, loving, fair-minded, and just plain fun before. I also want to point out that I came up with all of those words without the use of the website merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/funny or https://80s.myretrotvs.com/ so please go right to hell if you think I did. I cannot wait to see what this new year has in store for us all, but mostly what it has in store for me as I continue my undefeated in singles matches streak. Happy New Year to all of you and I wish you all a Happy New Year, too. I just realized I said that twice. Sorry I cannot edit. I wrote this in electronic pen. Go blow a high octane goat you petty little dick bubble. That is more subtext. Your friend, Scott.