I can't think of a title so this one is about a sandwich man who thinks wrestling is fake and that he is acting okay bye

It was not the first time Steve Lemieux had been the unwitting participant in a manhunt. A few years prior, when trying to find new ways to market his family-owned restaurant - LeMoo’s Fine Sandwiches in beautiful Peoria, Illinois - Steve had made the mistake of registering for a mobile app that he thought he could use to drum up some interest. There was interest, sure, but not of the quantity Steve had hoped for and definitely not of the type he expected.

To be fair, “grinders” are a New England regional term for submarine sandwiches.

Surely Tokyo would be better, right?

Right?

The first thing that went through Steve’s mind when Ivan Stanislav picked him up was that this stunt would be a lot safer if the crew had attached the guide wires in time. Not only that, but no one had even let him know it was coming! Steve had been forced to skip rehearsals because no one had bothered to tell them when those were being held. Instead, the whole evening was an endless string of unpleasant surprises, not the least of which was when he was announced as the fudge-head to the entire world.

There were more colorful words used of course, but ol’ Steve is averse to cussing. Papa Leland raised him better than that.

The last thing to go through Steve’s head before he crashed into the broadcast table was his own ass. Bodies aren’t supposed to bend that way, but fortunately Steve was born with soft bones and a spine like a rubber band.

He couldn’t recall what happened next, because it was at that moment when his brain thought, “You know what fudge all of this mess” - even his subconscious mind is G-rated - and decided it was time for Steve’s body to bye-bye-go-night-night.

It should have served as a learning experience.

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While he may not have picked up on the truth that he was, in fact, now an active participant in a combat sport, Steve did manage to walk away from the last few weeks with the understanding that people in his position are supposed to talk themselves up. To come across all brash and boastful. He’d seen countless athletes on his beloved American Gladiators do this same thing, so the idea of it made perfect sense.

“And a great big how-do-you-do to The Big Dog, Wade Alabama!”

It’s just that his execution sucked out loud.

“I’m Steve Lemieux, and I’m coming to you from my office at LeMoo’s Fine Sandwiches in beautiful Peoria, Illinois.

“I’m really happy to get this chance to talk to you Mr. Wade, because I know how important you are to PRIME Wrestling.”

Eventually he will stop calling it that.

Maybe.

Probably not though.

“My staff here tells me that you are the personal assistant to the woman in charge, the big boss herself, Lindsey Troy.”

The very nice one in accounting who is good at her job?

“This is great, because hopefully I can pick your brain about a few lingering questions that I have. It also means that PRIME Wrestling sees me as someone who can contribute, and who they want to make sure knows the ins-and-outs.

“First on the list, would you be able to tell me when the rehearsals are scheduled for, or if I can find special pads to make it hurt less when you pretend to hit me? The last time I was asked to put on a show for everyone all of the other stunt people went crazy, and no one told me when it was time to practice, and then a big suspenders man tossed me like a sack of potatoes.

“That hurt an awful lot when that happened, and I did not think this is supposed to hurt because we’re just putting on a show. Everyone knows that this is just like a play but where everyone wears tight pants.

“Okay so that was really the only question I had right now, but maybe we can talk before we put on our show or something?”

Oh, this son of a bitch is gonna die, isn’t he?

“I have some acting experience. I played the Christmas tree in my 4th grade holiday pageant back in elementary school. I didn’t get any speaking lines, and you couldn’t really see my face, but getting to be that tree sure was a great experience, boy howdy.

“Okay, bye! See you at the show! Hope we both break a leg, but not literally because that would really hurt and be very unfortunate.”