LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BOY!!!

“Is he okay?” It was the day after ReVival 73, and Kerry Kuroyama was worried about his friend. Scott had fought valiantly and gone further than most everyone had expected him to. His development these past six months had been remarkable, stunning even, but two Red Scares had finally been enough to finish him off. The last one, the one that did the job, had ended with his head snapping back so hard against the mat that he’d been knocked out cold. He’d been motionless on the way to the hospital, save for some guttural groans. Kerry had to make sure that arrangements were made for his care, but he was here now, standing outside the door to Scott’s private room. The doctor had a worried look on his face. “Well, he’s awake…” he said. “That’s good!” Kerry replied, perking up a bit. The look on the doctor’s face, however, put a stop to his improved mood. “What? That’s not good?” The doctor sighed. “He suffered a pretty bad concussion when the back of his head hit the mat. There have been some, well, there have been some symptoms.” Kerry frowned. “But he’s awake. Can I talk to him?” The doctor held his hands up as if cushioning a blow. “Look, he’s awake, but he um… well, he’s… well, he’s exhibiting some strange behavior.” Kerry nodded. “That’s pretty much how he always acts.” “No,” the doctor protested. “I mean… when he woke up…” “What??” Kerry grew frustrated. “Spit it out!” Raising a clipboard, the doctor let out a long sigh. “Well, for example, when he first woke up, he asked the nurse and me, and I quote… ‘Uncle Henry? Auntie Em? Is that you?? Where am I? Where’s Toto??’... then he rolled over and lost consciousness again…” Kerry blinked. “Oh.” “Then,” the doctor continued, “about fifteen minutes later, he regained consciousness and asked us where he was and what had happened. We mentioned that he had been injured in his match against Ivan Stanislav. As soon as we mentioned Ivan’s name, he began loudly screaming profanities.” Kerry was taken aback. “Oh, come on. Scott? Screaming profanities?? I’ve never heard him curse once in the entire time I’ve known him. I once said ‘crap’ in front of him, and he told me it was unbecoming language for a gentleman.” The doctor raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly. “It’s not unusual for patients with traumatic head injuries to suffer some emotional outbursts. Vulgarities aren’t unusual in situations like this.” Kerry closed his eyes and shook his head as if shaking something out of his brain. “But only when you mentioned Ivan??” “Well, it started that way.” The doctor said calmly. “Now it’s just happening randomly.” Kerry went to open his mouth in response, when suddenly an exceptionally loud voice came from inside the hospital room. “ONION-EYED FLAP DRAGON!!!”

“LEATHER-FACED PISS JAR!!!”

“MANGLED APRICOT HELLBEAST!!!” Kerry stared at the doctor, who winced through a half-comforting smile. “BAWBAG-EYED FUCK BUMPER!!!” Kerry’s eyes went wide. “BLONDE TOUPEÉD FUCKTRUMPET!!!” “Scotty…” Kerry muttered to himself, completely taken aback. If it weren’t clearly Scott’s voice, he would never have believed it. “KNUCKLE-BRAINED FART LOZENGE!!!”

“DEGENERATE CORNED BEEF FACED CABBAGE WEARING WANKSTAIN!!!”

“RUG WEARING THUNDER NUGGET!!!” Kerry placed his hand on the doorknob. “I’m going in there. That’s not the Scott I know. Maybe I can help…” The doctor placed a hand on Kerry's arm, stopping him short. “Not yet. I haven’t told you the most concerning part of it yet.” “COCK JUGGLING THUNDERCUNT!!!”

“GERBIL-HEADED WOODSTAINED HAUNTED SPUNKDAGGER!!!” Kerry looked at the doctor, incredulous. “Worse than that??” “Yes,” the doctor replied, a look of genuine concern on his face. “...the obscenities aren’t the worst part. It’s what he said a few minutes before you arrived when he was briefly calm. He said… and I’m quoting… ‘who are you?’... ‘who am I?’...” Kerry tried to register what the doctor was saying. Ignoring the doctor, Kerry turned the knob and opened the door slightly. Sure enough, there was Scott, who had his back to the door and stared through his hospital room window at the clouds rolling by. Hearing the door open, he turned and met Kerry’s eyes with an expression of anger and confusion. Suddenly, he pointed an accusatory finger in his best friend’s direction. “MUTTON-BRAINED SOCK GREMLIN!!!”

“CRUSTY-LIPPED BARNACLE HUGGER!!!”

“SLUG-FOOTED BISCUIT SNATCHER!!!” Kerry quickly stepped back and shut the door in retreat, turning back toward the doctor, who nodded again. “We have someone from Neurology coming to see him, so we’ll hopefully get a clearer picture of his prognosis. But for now, I think the best thing we can do is stay out of his way and try and keep him comfortable.” Kerry wasn’t fond of this plan, but was at a loss for an alternative. He also regretted the time he took Scott’s biscuit from him behind his back. That last insult cut deep. The doctor patted him on the back. “We’ll take good care of him. Go get some rest, and we’ll keep you updated.” “Okay,” Kerry sighed, resigned. “But I’ll be back in the morning. He’s my best friend, after all.” With a knowing smile, the doctor guided him down the hall and around a corner. MEANWHILE…. “TOAD-WITTED LINT COLLECTOR!!!”

“MILDEW-HEARTED GOBLIN WOOD SPRITE WANKDOODLE!!!”

“WOBBLE-CHINNED TURNIP BOTHERER!!!” At the nurses’ station, two nurses listened. One turned to the other. “At least those didn’t have cursing in them. Feels like progress.” The second nurse nodded, then they both looked back down and continued with their work.