Oathbreaker

September

Justine

Seven days ago, Justine experienced one of only a few perfect days.

The house was full of warmth and laughter, as family had poured in from across the state to be there. Even Kyle, her recluse brother, had made the drive down from Bar Harbor to spend the afternoon with the rest of the family, all in celebration of little Andrea Jade.

Jared had taken on the role of host so that Justine was free to guide their daughter between joyful family members. He checked on drinks, offered to get people another plate if they were still hungry, and still managed to defend the kitchen against a pair of eager grandmothers. It was a battle he was destined to lose, but he fought it anyway. Insisting that they relax because everything was under control.

Sunlight shone in through the curtains, hitting a nearby bunch of balloons and refracting its light to bathe the space in the dreamlike hues of pinks and purples. It gave the room an air of fantasy, which Justine found apt given how unlikely she had thought this only a year before.

One year.

One year since they welcomed their baby girl into the world. She was born kicking, screaming, and crying, and Justine couldn’t help but remind Jared that their baby girl must have inherited the latter trait from him. He didn’t argue, because it’s hard make a counterpoint against crying when your eyes are full of tears.

In that time Justine had come to a new understanding with her own mother and father. It was the unspoken bond that only forms when you have a child of your own. Suddenly you’re forced to re-examine your own life in a new light, understanding why there were so many pictures, why your mother saved that one outfit from when you were three. It all made sense. It’s because moments like this are fleeting, never again to be experienced once they pass.

Seven days ago Justine had lived a moment she once thought only a dream.

But yesterday, Jared had boarded a plane headed to Miami. It was related to PRIME, he said. He would fly in to meet the office on the day of the latest ReVival, then head home the next day. To Justine, it sounded like this meeting could have been an email, but Jared has insisted it could only happen in person. Something about needing witnesses from the office, he said.

She should have pressed him, should have dug deeper, but before they were married he had given his word that the sport of professional wrestling was now behind him. He could put it in the past because it had given him everything he ever wanted.

Justine put her daughter to bed, and then waited. A 10pm start time meant she had two hours to kill, time spent convincing herself that he wasn’t that stupid, was he? That there was no way Jared went to Miami because he wanted back in.

Yet there he was, striding to the ring to confront the Red Army. Worse, his was the first shot fired, a right hand across the jaw of Ivan Stanislav. And then later, his statement of purpose.

Tonight, he had come home bruised and sporting a new scar under his left eye. One more to add to the collection.

Seven days ago their life had been perfect, their home filled with the sounds of laughter and love.

Now there was only anger and the wails of a crying child.

#

Andrea Jade

Three days ago, everything had been perfect.

Daddy had brought her up to her room. He helped change her into clean pajamas. Then he held her as they slowly rocked the chair back and forth.

Daddy always told her that moments like these were his favorite, because everything was quiet and it was like they were the only people in the world. He said this time is sacred, but that was a big word and she didn’t know what it meant. They didn’t use that word in her stories or on her cartoons.

Daddy said that one day she wouldn’t want him to hold her like that, but that was silly. He was her Daddy, and she was his Little Miss, and he would hug her and squeeze her forever. Daddy was the strongest man alive, and she always felt so safe and snuggly in his arms.

He told her a story every night. She would try to stay awake, but sometimes it was really hard and her eyes felt really heavy like a cow was sitting on them. She didn’t know what all the words were yet, but Daddy would make funny voices for all of the people in the story. When he did one that was extra silly she would giggle and smile.

Some of these stories didn’t come from a book. Those were her favorite because Daddy made them special just for her.

When the story was over he would carry her over to her bed and cover her with her blanket so she was nice and warm. Then he would make sure that Mister Flops was there to keep her company. Mister Flops was her favorite bunny.

One night Daddy said that he had to go away.

“But I’ll be back before you know it,” he said. Then he gently touched her cheek and said, “I love you forever, Little Miss.”

But now everything was wrong.

A man came to the house who looked like Daddy, but he was not Daddy. Mommy was mad at him. She tried to pretend that she wasn’t, but Mommy wasn’t very good at pretending.

Andrea wondered when Daddy was coming home. He said he was only going to go away for a little while, and she did not want to miss more story time. Now there was a different man in the house and she could tell that Mommy did not like him. Not one little bit.

The man had a booboo on his face. It was yellow and purple and it looked like he fell down. Andrea thought that someone should get him a Band-Aid. She always had a Band-Aid when she had a booboo, and it always made her feel better.

That wasn’t why Andrea was scared. When Daddy was home he was happy all the time. He smiled, and he told jokes, and he made silly voices. But this man looked serious and scary. He had a different shadow. Like the one under her bed that only went away when Mommy or Daddy turned the lights on.

She wished Mommy would turn the lights on and make this man go away, too.

She cried when the man picked her up. She cried and cried because even though he looked like Daddy and sounded like Daddy he was not Daddy.

“It’s okay,” the man said, but it wasn’t okay. “I’m here. I’m home now.”

The man carried her up the stairs and Andrea heard Mommy say, “I hope you’re happy,” but that didn’t make sense. Happy was for smiling and sad was for crying, so why would someone be happy if she was crying? Daddy would know the answer. Daddy knew everything.

The man kept saying he was sorry, but she didn’t know why. She didn’t know who this man was so why would he tell her he was sorry? Maybe it was because he scared her so much.

She cried for a long time, but crying made her tired. If she fell asleep now then she wouldn’t be awake when Daddy came home.

“Do you want a story? How about we make up a special one tonight.”

Andrea wanted to say no. Only Daddy could make up stories. But her eyes were very tired. It must have been the cows.

“Once upon a time, there was a bear who lived at the top of a mountain…”

She let her eyes close. Maybe Daddy would be home tomorrow.

#

Jared

I was a dead man walking, my reckoning only a few minutes away.

I knew I had to go downstairs - knew I had to have a very uncomfortable talk with your mom - but I needed those few minutes of peace with you. The ones I hold sacred, when it’s just you and I as the sun goes down, and there is no one else in the world.

You’d fallen asleep as soon as I started the story. You didn’t get to hear about the big mean bear and his mountain, or the other animals of the village. We would save that for another night.

I walked you to your crib, taking extra care not to wake you. I could see the rise and fall of your chest with every breath. Could hear you coo as you shifted under your blanket.

“What do you dream of, little one?”

It was only when I started to leave your room that I understood what scared you. I caught my reflection in the glass of a picture on the wall. The bruising under my eye wasn’t as bad as I had feared, but that wasn’t the problem. For a moment I didn’t recognize the person looking back at me.

Well, that’s not true. I knew him, because I was him. But I had left that person behind over a year ago. Or at least I thought I had. That man was reckless. He took unnecessary risks because he thought he had nothing to lose. He never once thought about the collateral damage that his actions would cause.

I needed a shock of water, so I went downstairs and into the kitchen for one simple reason - there are no mirrors there.

Your mom came in not long after. I could hear her footsteps moving down the hall from where I stood braced against the counter and leaning over the sink.

“Whatever you’re going to say, you’re right,” I said. I didn’t turn. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t look at anyone.

“I know.”

She was leaning against the door, arms folded across her chest. I moved to the table and let myself collapse into one of the chairs.

“I didn’t think she was ever going to stop crying.”

Your mom pushed away from the doorway and moved to join me at the table.

“I figured she would tire herself out eventually,” she said. “For a minute I thought about coming upstairs to settle her down, but I figured that was something that you were going to need to fix.”

She let the statement hang in the air. I’m not sure if she was testing me to see if I had a response, or if I would try to argue, but there was no point. She was right, and that was all there was to it.

“And then when it was quiet and you didn’t come back downstairs I turned on the monitor,” she continued. “What was that story? I heard something about a bear and a dog.”

“Just something I made up.”

She grunted an acknowledgement and then leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. They were still folded, which meant she was still on guard. Closed off.

“A minute ago you said that no matter what I say, I’m right.”

“I did.”

“Well, I’m glad you think so. But I’m going to say it anyway, because I need to. For my benefit, not yours.”

She paused again. It was only when I looked up that she continued.

“You’re a good person, Jared. Kind. Compassionate. Loyal almost to a fault. But you don’t think. You make rash decisions without weighing the consequences. You take stupid risks for reasons that I can’t begin to imagine. And that was fine when it was just you. But it’s not just you anymore. You have a commitment to me, and you have a bigger commitment to AJ. Everything else you are free to get as wrong as you want, but you do not fuck up that. Do you understand me? You do not get to put this family at risk because you never stopped to question what your actions would cost you.”

Your mom exhaled a breath that I think she’d been holding for days. Then she rubbed the stress from her eyes and drew her hands down the length of her face.

“Do I even want to know what your reason is?” she said.

In the past I’ve told stories about a man named Mark. He was a good kid that got put in a tough spot by having to watch over me during a very dark period in my life. One night he came to me all nervous about what would happen if I got fired, and the reason for his own job was gone. He was pretty fresh out of college, in his first real professional job, and he had student loans to pay down. Only made sense that he was scared.

I told him about a family in the neighborhood. You’ve seen their dog. It’s the chubby little basset hound across the street. I tried to explain that no matter how loyal a creature he is, or how much he wants to be a good boy for his family, that he’s still a dog. He was born and bred for the chase. Sometimes, no matter how much he matters to his family, he just needs to run.

And that was true. Or at least, that was part of it. The whole of it was something that I didn’t think your mom wanted to hear, or maybe wasn’t ready to hear. It would have sounded like lunacy to her. For the same reason, I didn’t say anything to a woman named Arina when she asked me a similar question a few weeks later.

“I don’t have a good answer,” I said, knowing how it must have sounded. “Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I don’t know how to describe it. I guess… I don’t know. It made sense to me, but I can’t explain why.”

She leaned back in her chair and was quiet for a long minute. I could feel her judging me, scrutinizing me. Maybe trying to figure out if she’s made a terrible decision with the direction her life had taken. The weight of her stare was almost unbearable.

“Okay,” she said at last. “I’ve had a really long couple of days, and I’m tired. So I’m going to go upstairs and go to bed. Tomorrow we’re going to try to move past this. And when you ‘find the right words’ - whenever that is… tomorrow, a week from now, whenever - you tell me first.”

“I will. You have my word.”

“Don't you get it? That's the problem, Jared. Your word’s not worth a whole lot right now.”

#

Now

Justine

In the five weeks since, things had improved, but the tension had yet to subside. For weeks Justine had been waiting for an explanation, to learn the reason why her husband had traveled to Florida to pick a fight with an old rival.

It didn’t help when we learned that I’d been advertised to wrestle again, my first match in almost a year and a half.

“So, let me get this straight. You’re going to be gone for Halloween. Is that what you’re telling me?”

There was an edge to her voice, though she kept her tone quiet. Over the last few weeks Justine had gone to great lengths to make sure that her daughter didn’t have to suffer any further fallout from her husband’s foolish choices. Daytime was for fun and family time. Nighttime is when the strains of her marriage presented themselves.

“You’re going to be gone for Halloween because you have a match with Anna Daniels,” she continued. “Anna Daniels. The woman who just attacked her best friend on live television, and sent her to the hospital. Anna Daniels, who has the deathmatch background. That Anna Daniels.”

“It’s not going to be that bad, honest.”

That was the wrong thing to say, and she could tell Jared knew it when the color drained from his face.

“Not going to be that bad? If I remember it correctly, this woman threatened to try and kill you the last time you fought. Do you remember that? In between all that ‘Heart of PRIME’ stuff, before she went and gambled away whatever title opportunities, she said that she was going to have to traumatize me by trying to kill you. And you don’t think it’s going to be that bad.”

“Okay, you’re right. What I said was-” She silenced him with a raise of her hand.

“You know what?” A wicked smile had made its home on her lips. “Anna didn’t hold up her end of that bet, and you’re wrestling again after swearing you wouldn’t, so maybe the two of you can compare notes instead of fighting. And you’re doing this on Halloween.”

Last year Andrea was just shy of two months old when she celebrated her first Halloween, but being so young there was nothing she could participate in. The little girl had been dressed in a tiny pumpkin costume, and photos of it had been sent to the entire family. This year, though she was now just a year old, they had planned to do more.

“My parents are expecting all of us, Jared. Your mom is expecting all of us. This is AJ’s first real Halloween, and you’re going to be in… in…”

“North Carolina.”

“Don’t! You’re going to be somewhere else instead of here with us. I just-,” she threw her hands up and moved towards the door. “I can’t with you right now. It’s like I said a month ago, you don’t think. One stupid decision and now the ripple effect means you’re going to miss this. And worse, AJ doesn’t get to spend the holiday with her dad.”

“Justine, I-”

“Don’t. Just fucking don’t. You go swap notes with Anna. Tell her I said, ‘Hi.’”

#

Jared

They wouldn’t stop. There were only minutes to go before I’d get the word that it was time, then it would be off to the Argyle. Then the ring. And then…

But they wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t shut them up.

So many voices, each one of them playing at a different insecurity. They’d risen from a whisper into a resounding chorus. Some I thought I had left behind when I first left the house four years ago. Others I left behind the day I walked out of PRIME and started the next stage of my life.

A husband. A father.

It was like stepping into cold water on a warm day. Uncomfortable, but not entirely unpleasant. Familiar. Hey, Jared. I know it’s cold now, but all you have to do is give it a minute and then everything will be right as rain. All you have to do is dip one little toe, and the rest will follow.

Isolation. Disappointment. Failure.

I let each one in and greeted them like an old friend.

Alone in that locker room, with the building humming with life around me, it felt like those first weeks back in Las Vegas. Back when PRIME had its residency at the Grand. All I was missing was Mark to keep me in check, to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid.

I disappointed him, too. He was the first casualty. I acted, didn’t consider the consequences, and he suffered as a result. Annihilated by Paxton Ray.

Mark stopped returning my calls after that.

My phone buzzed. It was late, well past your bedtime. A bedtime that I should have been home for. A hundred different scenarios played out in my head, each one worse than the last. I had already made a plan before even checking to see who the message was from. I would leave the arena and head straight to the airport. If there were no flights available, then I would rent a car and drive back home. North Carolina isn’t that far from Massachusetts after all, and I knew that if I left now I could make it home by morning. Anna Daniels could take her win. The world could call me a coward for forfeiting and failing to show up. None of it would matter because I would be where I was supposed to be, with the people I was supposed to be with.

I held my breath and checked the phone.

It was from your mom. She’d sent me a picture of you, dressed like a cupcake and holding a hollow plastic pumpkin. You were just 1 year old, still too young to go trick or treating, but old enough to look the part.

The picture came with a simple message, six words like a dagger to the heart:

So you know what you missed.

I was wrong, Little Miss. This was nothing like Vegas.

This was worse.