Old Man: Part IV - Lindsay

Lindsay,

Despite already doing so at ReVival, I feel it’s only appropriate to start this letter by saying… I’m sorry.

How much that’s worth ,I suppose, is up for you to decide, and lord knows not a soul alive would hold it against you if you were less than enthusiastic about accepting that apology. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to hear it, perhaps a hundred times. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t genuinely mean it.

In some ways, I have struggled to find my foundation and settle into my role since my father passed away over a decade ago. When Mary’s cancer returned, and the reality that the remaining semblance of my sanity would not be around much longer, I lashed out… not dissimilar to the fits Hailey occasionally throws when she’s told to turn off the TV or denied that expensive new K-Pop Demon Hunter doll.

Some of that frustration, and likely why you had to bear the brunt of my grown-man fit, was the fracture in my relationship with Georgie. None of which is your doing, but as the vehicle for her journey down a road I didn’t want her traveling, I felt betrayed in some ways.

The truth of the matter is straightforward, though, and can be summarized in two simple facts:

1) Georgie is her own woman. She is, and should be, responsible for her own decisions, and they are not decisions she has made without extensive first-hand knowledge of all that comes with them. 2) There is no one I would trust more to both maximize Georgie’s abilities and to keep her safe, than you.

If I had embraced those two concepts three years ago, I’d likely have no reason to even be writing this letter. And so, for that, I apologize.(You’ll sense a running theme of ‘my bad’ developing here)

I can safely say that you have been my best friend in this hobby and ,though I’ve, at times, been aloof and distant, know that I would not have stuck around PRIME past Colossus IV if it had not been for you.

Colossus VII. Colossus VIII. Colossus 2022. This year. It was always you that kept me coming back.

To some extent, that likely further played a role in my temper tantrum. When I returned to the ring for the ReVival era I suppose I assumed past friendship and past successes would generate some sort of time-travel device and we’d go back to the mid 2000s. I’d slot in comfortably at the top of the card, return of the most dominant PRIMEate of all-time. We’d laugh, we’d travel, we’d stay out late after shows drinking and talking. No.

Time does not stand-still and my knees do not function.

It was probably the first time in my life that I felt like a real outsider in this game. And that’s coming from a guy who was once in a tag team called The Real Outsiderz.

So I flaked out and I went home and I figured I’d take a break and sort things out. Except Georgie and I couldn’t see eye-to-eye. Nothing got sorted. Then a month became two. Two became six… I realized that I was hiding and that hiding was easy. Joints didn’t hurt (as bad) and failures couldn’t find me.

After Mary got sick again, I felt like I had to come back… had to work through the anger and aggression. I blew up in Columbus. I ruined your Culture Shock announcement. I kept walking as you yelled my name through Nationwide Arena. I refused to pick up the phone.

Everything after that initial blow up was bluster. I felt like I had to carry through on the threat I made. But it all felt wrong. When Mary went onto Hospice care, whatever little desire I had to keep of the charade melted away.

What remained was a promise I made to an old friend nearly a decade and a half ago. My last match would be against you. At ReV 79, I said one last time… “The best to have ever done this, stepping into the ring against the 2nd best to ever do it.” And you asked… who was who?

I call myself the Wrecking Ball. I say I’m the most dominant force to ever step foot in a PRIME ring. While a bit egotistical… I think those statements have been well-earned across my career. But the best to ever do this? It’s always been you.

It will always be you.

Thanks for one last rodeo.

Love, Matty