Our Little Corner of The World

Movie theater popcorn, that's the trigger. I smell that in the air and I’m back in the Fertitta Center in Houston. It’s 2009 and Thad Denver - Spacely, he called himself - he and I aren't seeing eye-to-eye. We get into an argument. He manages to push the right button, the one he knows is going to send me over the edge, so I tackle him to the floor. He fights back. Swings wild. The scar under my left eye? That's where it comes from.

I've got a story like that every one of 'em. I can tell you where I was standing. What the crowd was like that night. Any detail you want to know, it's all there.

Those scars are a map, and it’s drawn by monsters to mark where they’ve been. There are so many, Vickie, and I remember the story behind every... single... one of them. And those are just the ones you can see. There's a few more. I’m still waiting for a few of those to scab over.

You know what? Let’s put a pin in that. We’ll come back to it.

There’s something that I need you to know. I believe your husband when he says that he needs to win the Universal Championship. I’m not entirely sure he’s right about the ‘why’, but I’ve got faith he’ll figure that one out eventually. What it does to him when he finds out, that’s the real challenge.

When he says that he’ll give everything he has in order to win it, I believe that, too. He’s going to pummel me in Wales? He believes it, Vickie. He said it with absolute conviction.

I should be talking to him right now. He’s the one who pinned Cecilworth Farthington. He’s the one that outlasted thirty other people to even make it to that match. He is the one who’ll be wrestling for the Universal Championship. Had to get through me on his way there, so I have no choice but to believe that he thinks he can do it again.

I should be talking to him, but I’m not. Because this has never been about him, has it? Jonathan-Christopher wins the biggest tournament of his career, cementing his spot in PRIME, and you’re screaming about ‘Manager of the Year.’ He’s made captain of a Wargames team, and you’re trying to rip it away and hand it to Ivan.

And when Jonathan-Christopher says he’s sorry for everything he did - everything you made him do - I believe it.

I was so ready to move past this, so fucking ready.

The stakes are a little different now. I’m not talking about the title either. There’s a little one on the way, Vickie. Do you know what that means? Like do you truly understand the implications now?

One day - one day real soon - I’m going to have to reconcile what I’ve spent most of my life doing. Those scars I mentioned? One day I’m going to pick up that child for the first time, and all of those scars’ll be there the first time we lock eyes.

I’m going to have to answer for that. And then I’m going to spend the rest of my life hoping they never know what it’s like to see their father drowned in the middle of a wrestling ring in front of fifteen thousand people.

Friday, October 7, 2022.

The worst part wasn’t the chocolate. It’s knowing that Justine had to watch, and that it could have been the last thing she saw.  Her last memory before a world of fucking darkness would have been me. Kicking, and flailing, and praying so fucking hard for it to stop. Wanting so badly to scream and having no air.

You made her watch.

You know for a long time I thought that I’d be powerless to do anything about it, that sometimes horrible things happen, and that’s just how it is.

Nope.

Sometimes the universe is funny this way. Because the thing that you want, the thing that you and Jonathan-Christopher have based this entire “Hallmark Journey” around - I have it. I’ve spent more hours than a sane man should thinking about what the cruelest thing I could do to you is, and I finally have an answer. Do you wanna know what it is?

It’s win.

Think about it for a minute. They don’t give “Manager of the Year” to the runner-up, Vick’. Hell, a loss like this to start the year and you might not even make the ballot. Gosh golly, wouldn't that just be the worst ever? What happens then? Two years and a tournament win brought you here - to the guy you tried to drown with chocolate because one time a little spilled on you. Only now he gets to dictate what comes next. If you fumble here, what then? Because I’ll tell you right now, this ain’t something you can just retract away with a few keystrokes.

You know what the best part is?

You get to watch.

Have fun living with that memory.

You were right, Vickie. Those stains? They don’t come out. # Jared, I know there are things you’re not telling me lately. After twenty-four years I know when something’s bothering you. If I had to guess, I’d say it had something to do with what your sister said. She and I will definitely be having a conversation about that the next time I see her. # Elizabeth “How can you be so calm about this?”

It was supposed to be a night of celebration, but you'd never know it from the shouting.

Elizabeth stormed across the small room, having to step over two different duffel bags to close the distance. A wrestling locker room was the last place she wanted to be, but it was the only privacy she could find in a sea of people.

“Your friend, Ashton…”

“Avalon.”

“Whatever. He almost got shot, Jared. The cowboy man had a loaded gun in the middle of thousands of people!”

“See, the thing about Daytona-“

“I don’t care what their names are. We didn’t take Ryan out of school and travel across the country so that we could watch one of your coworkers get shot. What if that had hit one of us?”

“You’re right, Lizzy. It should never have happened. I don’t know how he even got a gun into the building, but…”

“It’s not like the law just stops existing because you put on a cowboy hat. And this is the company you work for. The one that my son insists on finding ways to watch, even though a year ago he thought you were going to die in that ring!”

Elizabeth had first tried banning wrestling in the house. When that didn’t work, she asked her company’s IT department how she could block the ACE Network app from her son’s devices. Even still, there were computers at school, at his friends’ houses. It was inescapable. She was fighting a war of attrition and losing on every front.

Jared put his hands up, defeated. “What do you want me to say? I agree, this is pretty fucked. The sport isn’t supposed to be like this.”

There was a pressure forming behind her eyes, and every time her brother opened his mouth it seemed to get sharper, more intense. He knew that she hated it when he swore, and yet he kept on doing it. First in front of the crowd, and then again now.

“The sport?” She scoffed. “This isn’t a sport. This is barbarism. Do you remember that fight tonight between the two teams? One of them had that man who tried to kill you and his hippie friend? Well, I’m pretty sure one of them had his nose broken by the same angry bald man who threw the chair!”

“Brandon’s got a family of his own, he wouldn’t-“

“Stop telling me what their goddamn names are! I don’t care about these people, Jared! Every time tonight when something like this happened that crowd cheered. They cheered! Like they were glad it was happening. Like none of you are real, you’re just there for their amusement and to hell with what happens. They think you’re expendable.”

“Look at me, Lizzy. Like take a real good look.” He traced a set of lines in the air in front of his face. Two across the forehead. One under the left cheek. Two more on the right. A strip hidden just under his hairline. “Lance Marshall. Spacely. Terrence Kingsley. You want me to keep going? I know exactly what goes on inside these walls. I don’t need you to remind me. Listen… I don’t have a lot of time left here.”

“Right. Because the cowboy will probably shoot you by mistake one day.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“No, I know what you mean. And it’s great that you’re thinking of walking away now. Do you know what I think? That you should have done it years ago! Or maybe never done this at all! The little accident you had?”

“Lizzy.”

“The one that sent you away from all this?”

“Elizabeth Rose.”

“Part of me thought that was the best thing that could happen to you.” There was the sound of a scuffle just outside the door, like someone had tried to get in and been held back. “All those little lines on your face.” A mocking finger drew an invisible scribble in the air between them. “Well we all had to live through those, too.

“Don’t. You. Ever.” Every word deliberate, every one a bullet.

“What?”

“Tell me what you think I’ve done with my life. Don’t you ever. It’s bad enough that I had to hear it all the fucking time from dad, I’m sure as hell not going to listen to it again now.”

“Well maybe he was right! Everything I saw tonight, everything I heard… it all terrifies me, Jared. All of it.” She looked away from her brother and shook her head. “Because how are you going to take care of a baby when you can’t even take care of yourself?” # I know things with your dad weren’t great, and I don’t need to be a spy to know you’ve been talking to Jake and Darren a lot lately. I wish that things were different for you and that your relationship had been better, I really do. But remember: Jake is just a phone call away. Darren will always be here. He’ll never say it in front of them, but my dad would 100% trade all three of my brothers for even just half of you. These things you’re feeling? I’m feeling them, too. We’re a team. We have been since the beginning, and we’re only a few weeks from making it official. You know what that means? You’re stuck with me forever. And I can’t wait. My point is this: it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be nervous. But don’t you dare worry about failing. None of us will let you. # Darren “I think this is my new favorite picture of you. Finally, one where you’re not bleeding to death. Only took us around twenty years to get it.”

There were pictures that hung in other parts of the gym, but nothing like the collection that was amassed on this wall. Some were framed, others had been taped in place. A fair few were simply tucked in place behind the corner of a frame, daring gravity to try and pull them down. Above it all hung the banner with the school’s mission statement: Leave it better than you found it.

It wasn’t just a place to honor success, but to celebrate the people who made this school what it was. The people who made the Strackers’ corner of the world better just by being in it.

Jared wasn’t paying attention. His attention was elsewhere, drawn to a different picture. A younger version of himself was sitting by one of the ring posts and Justine, with bright eyes and an impish grin, was trying to block his face from the camera with her hands.

Darren smiled to himself. Before the end of spring those kids would be the gym’s first official wedding, one that he’d been asked to officiate. By the fall there would be another gym baby to celebrate. Darren was going to need a bigger wall.

“So, are you ready?” he said.

“Hrm?”

“I said, are you ready?”

Jared shrugged. “As much as I can be, I guess. Not really looking forward to the cage, and god knows what Vickie’s got planned. That weekend’s going to suck.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He pointed to the same picture Jared had lost himself in. “I mean you’re about to become a first-time dad. Do you think you’re ready for it?”

“No idea.” Jared exhaled a heavy sigh and walked to where the ring rested a few feet away. “Some people definitely don’t think so.”

Darren had been among the family members invited to ReVival in Boston. He sat with them in the crowd while the show was live. He was backstage when Jared and his sister had their argument.

“How are you going to take care of a baby when you can’t even take care of yourself?!”

It took two of them to restrain Justine from breaking the door down and offering a rebuttal.

“I don’t care what they think, Jared. There are only two people whose opinions matter on the subject.” He nodded at the photo to punctuate his point. “And I’m asking if you think you’re ready.”

“I’m terrified, if you want the truth.” He moved to a seat on the ring apron and let his feet hang. “I was in Evansville not too long ago and got talking to Jake Colton about it. He said something that I can’t get out of my head. ‘Just try not to repeat mistakes. Either the ones you make, or the ones you lived through.’”

“That’s great advice, but from what I know of Jake I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“It is, it’s just…” He pursed his lips and shook his head. “It’s got my brain going in a direction I don’t want.”

Darren nodded as he approached the ring, but he didn’t say anything.

“My dad, he… Look, he could have been a lot worse. Let me just get that outta the way. He didn’t drink, and it never got violent or anything like that. There were so many lies, Darren. So goddamn many. He lied to all of us by cheating on mom for years. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, the man couldn’t be honest with himself so how the fuck was he supposed to tell us the truth?”

Darren took a step closer, there to offer support, but Jared was already pacing.

“I hated him for that, you know. I hated him for what he said when Andy was in the hospital, and the cancer was eating him alive, and Kevin told me that I could save him. That because we’re twins, that they can take a piece of me and put it in Andy to help - I dunno - fight it off. I was twelve. Twelve! ‘Do this or your brother is going to die.’ Who puts that kind of pressure of a fucking kid?”

“I can’t ima-,” Darren tried to interject, but his words were cut down. The juggernaut was rolling, and it wouldn’t stop until it burned free of all its energy.

“He told me I was wasting my life. Did you know that? Said I was throwing it away by coming here. So of course he never came to a match. Not once. Not fucking once in twenty-odd years. I hate that he hid his own diagnosis from me. I had to find out about it from Lizzy, and she’d already known for months by then. And none of this ever got resolved, because he went and… You know, we tell people that the cancer got him, because it did. But that’s not what killed him.”

A jolt of electricity shot up Darren’s spine. He tried to focus, to process what Jared had just said. He wanted to speak, to ask if he understood the implication, but didn’t get the chance.

“I hate that he lied. I hate that he hid things, and that he was never there, and… And I hate that my baby is never going to meet their grandfather.” # It’s a crazy weekend coming up, and I know that the pressure isn’t making any of this easier. That’s why I snuck this into your gear bag for you to find. Surprise! “Leave it better than you found it.” I see that banner every day that I work with kids at the gym, the same as when we were students ourselves. We did it, Jared. We actually did it!  Just think: when the leaves change color this fall there’ll be a new little light in our lives, and the world will be a better place for it. Even if it’s just our little corner. Be safe. I love you. You're going to be amazing. - Justine # May 2011 The last of the late spring stalwarts had left hours ago, and the sun was still shining bright in the afternoon sky. If Darren closed up and left now, then he would have a few extra hours at home for the first time in weeks. Maybe the family could have dinner early, and then sneak off to the new ice cream shop Marty had been begging his parents to visit.

He knocked twice on the top of the desk, the same way he always did. The same way Walter had when he was still alive. The habit, like everything else in the office, had been Darren’s to inherit. He threw his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door, passing the large window that overlooked the gym floor below. It wasn’t as empty as he thought.

He descended the stairs and went to greet his visitor

“Afternoon,” he said, offering his hand. “I’m Darren. Welcome to my little corner of the world.”

“Kevin,” came the reply.

Kevin was taller than most parents Darren had encountered, but looked frail; gaunt. There was no strength to his grip. And despite the weather, Kevin was dressed in layers. A flat cap covered his head.

“Good to meet you, Kevin. Is there something I can help you with?”

“No, I’m alright. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I won’t keep you long, it really is beautiful out there today. I wasn’t sure I was in the right place, but there he is.” He tapped one of the photos on the wall. “I just came to see my son.”

“You’re Jared’s father.”

“I am.”

“How is he holding up? I haven’t talked to him since he got back after…” His voice trailed off. He wasn’t sure what Kevin knew of Jared’s experience with Wyatt Connors in February, only that he hoped he hadn’t seen the video.

“I don’t know. He doesn’t talk to me.” Kevin pursed his lips and sighed. “He hasn’t talked to me for a long time.”

“Ah.”

“It's okay. Been like that for a while now. Do you have kids, Darren?”

“Hundreds.” Darren gestured to the wall. “That’s what my dad used to say whenever someone would ask him that question. He was so proud of the work he did, and everyone who came through here. But to answer, one. A son named Martin.”

“Cherish it. It goes by too fast.”

“I know what you mean. Feels like only yesterday he was stomping around the house in diapers. He's going to be starting high school in a few years, and I am not ready for that.” It was Darren’s turn to sigh. “Yeah, way too fast.”

“I missed so much of this.” Kevin’s eyes had settled on a picture. In it, a collection of students had gathered around the ring. Jared was seated near one of the corner posts, leaning around the hand of a green-eyed girl who seemed to be enjoying the chance to hide him from the camera. “Days I’ll never get back. I’m sorry, Darren, but there’s a favor I need to ask of you. Father to father.”

“Name it,” he said. “How can I help?”

“I don’t have a lot of time left. The cancer is… aggressive. But my son needs help. I know he respects you, but he’s stubborn.” Kevin snorted a laugh. “He gets that from me.”

“You might be surprised how often I’ve seen that work to his advantage,” Darren said. He hoped it offered a little comfort. “You don't have to worry. I'll do what I can. You have my word.”

Kevin nodded, clearing his throat. He lifted the hat from his head and ran a hand along his scalp. His eyes had misted over.

“My son,” he said. “You’re sure?”

“Like one of my own.”