Lessons: Holdover

Candles flickered throughout the dimly lit room, some displayed on a dark wooden chest with three large drawers. Two incense burners occupied space towards each edge of the furniture as well. Purple drapery exhibiting a silver crescent moon hung from three of the walls, the door adjacent divider adorned with similarly designed banners instead. In the middle of the room was a low-set wooden table, a shade darker than the chest against the far wall.

The table top housed a crystal ball prominently on a small stand towards the far curved edge. A set of tarot cards rested off to the right, not quite forgotten but not the focal point. RIA Lockhart found her eyes wandering and widening in wonderment as she sat at the table. Sitting opposite of her was a woman, wavy black hair spilling out from underneath a purple silk bandana. The slightest hint of creases peeked from the edge of her eyes, also lightly creeping along her forehead. On her body was a wrap dress that matches the rest of her decor in color, a black lace shawl resting upon her slight shoulders.

“So you have come to Madame Laurent for guidance?” The woman purred, the French name flowing out from her mouth like honey. Lockhart, in seiza position with her butt resting on her calves, wore a Boston Fleet jersey and baggy black cargo pants. She shifted with a minor grimace, feeling a slight ache in her wonky knees.

“Uh, sure, something like that.” RIA tried to state with confidence, only for doubt to lace itself into the last few words. She was in pain and this whole place, its ambiance, was throwing her off. What would this actually accomplish? It seemed nothing more than a distraction. What answers was she truly going to receive here? A deck of tarot cards slid into view, breaking Lockhart away from her four reflection.

“I believe you ordered a reading? If you could be so kind, please shuffle the deck.” It was a polite, but pointed request from the teller. “Doing so will imbue the cards with your energy, leaving any inquiries you have to be answered more precisely.”

RIA internally fought off the urge to huff and roll her eyes, gently taking hold of the deck. Over and over, cards flowed in between each other. Some were in small interspersed piles while other singular pieces found their way into random spots of the pile. No one would mistake the job done by Lockhart as casino dealer worthy, but it did serve the desired purpose. She held the tools of Madame Laurent’s trade out to the woman to be retrieved.

“You may ask that of which you need guidance on.” Laurent said. So many thoughts with just as many ways to phrase them… A mental battle royale raged in RIA’s mind, seconds feeling far longer than the fleeting moments they were.

“I lost a… relationship with someone very close to me.” Lockhart stated while keeping some manner of emotional barricade in place. Her shoulders stayed tense, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. Some manner of malevolence still bore down on her with its presence. Maybe it was just everything with Anna? But perhaps it was the persistent feeling that this endeavor was pointless, exploiting the fragilely softhearted.

The woman nodded before placing the cards onto the table with reverence. Her eyelids fluttered shut as she steadily inhaled, her right index finger rhythmically tapping the top of the pile.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

She exposed her irises, her brows furrowing while her lips pursed. She carefully pulled the first card back, the lift and face up placement methodical in both location and pace. Three swords, stabbed through a heart, was displayed.

“Ah! The three of swords.” Laurent said. “This card represents your past; heartbreak, sorrow, painful truths… Any of these combine with separation, loss, or betrayal. This may be one sided, perhaps both parties feel this?”

Lockhart reflected. Heartbreak. Painful truths. Loss. Betrayal. Though the view from both ends of the conflict would paint a different picture, these words would probably resonate with each side. She felt an aching in her chest, her throat tightening. RIA fought through it to speak.

“That may be true. I only have partial perspective from the other side.”

The Madame showed little concern for digging deeper. It may have been due to detachment, a lack of desire to hear any sob stories. Maybe it was a matter of just being professional. Or perhaps it was the teller’s way of finding more information in this vague story, moving on to gain further insight. The next card was drawn. On the item was a blindfolded woman, arms crossed while holding bladed weapons, seated on a concrete slab.

“Your present, the two of swords. It signifies difficult decisions, maybe a stalemate. There's conflict between two forces, such as logic and emotion. In your case? I feel it points to both you and your friend.” Laurent explained.

It made sense, though it bugged RIA to have her skepticism starting to weaken. Conflict? Right, and the Seven Years War was just a tad drawn-out. This was beyond such trifling verbiage. Their spoiled sisterhood, mangled by factors both familiar and foreign. Everything over time, the last year in particular, had led to this standoff. They went from sharing hugs to trading sneak attacks; from sisterly bond to separated spite. It was disheartening, tormenting for Lockhart.

The third card was laid down with delicate flourish. Pictured was a white dove, delivering something like a talisman into a golden goblet. The cup balanced in the palm of a hand. Laurent gazed at the item before a pleasant grin found its way to her lips.

“This is the Ace of cups.” The Madame explained. “What it means is new beginnings, perhaps in love. Creativity and emotional renewal should follow. The fates seem to see good things in your future.”

RIA had wanted to remain curious, at best. The reading’s review of the past was more accurate than expected. Yes, it was a murky overview. That didn't erase the solid projection the card reflected. Even the vision of the present showed itself closer to truth than fiction. It forced Lockhart to reflect. Perhaps there were otherworldly forces unequivocally at play here?

For her part, the Psychoberry had to be honest with herself. The old and current really weren't that important to her. The destined time to come and the promise Madame Laurent exposed RIA to… It filled her core with hope. She had been doing her best to stay light, embrace her happiness. Lockhart truly did want to put herself first, to allow her desires to take center stage.

It was a constant struggle, one not without failure from RIA. In her old tag team (the Sisters of Steel) with Janelle Loper, she had decided to try and put the team on her back. But in doing so, each victory Lockhart secured bred stewing contempt from her best friend. It almost destroyed their decades long friendship, though the Psychoberry’s near death helped draw them back together. The fallout had damaged her emotionally, always a concern that she was too selfish or self-centered.

The cycle seemed to have repeated with Anna. Yet even when reflecting on her faults, RIA knew any clash with those she cherished weren't her doing alone. She didn't like praising herself. It always came off as unnatural, regardless of if the Steel Hart believed what she said. But in this situation? The fight was for RIA. It wasn't a matter of pride. It likely wouldn't grant the winner any boost towards title contention. The result wasn't even significant for her. The fight for her, and for their future… That was where Lockhart pushed her desire.

RIA labored to her feet, her knees screaming obscenities at her in the process. She thanked Madame Laurent for her time, making sure the fortune teller was well compensated for it. Stepping out of the parlor, Lockhart’s hands felt heavy but her heart felt light. It was time to push forward towards the end of the road where Anna Daniels stood waiting. Onward to Colossus. For her. For their future.

🎵Song: How Can I Live - Ill Nino🎵

I am so alike you

In so many way

Anna Daniels and RIA Lockhart are not giants, standing at 5’7” and 5’6” respectively. The Muse’s body is more toned while the Psychoberry has a bit of a thicker, wider build. Anna would probably be best described as nonbinary, RIA being a transgender woman. Both have admitted to having multiple voices in their heads; Daniels’ mind contains beings in a way most humans couldn't comprehend or handle. Lockhart has dissociative identity disorder she's actively attempting to manage through medication and positive mental health exercises. Each is a former PRIME Alias champion.

On top of all these listed similarities, the two seem to consistently agree on jabber (at least doing so for a while). There was also an easy going veneer to both that hid a nature inclined towards violence. Anna and RIA had to fight their way through life, setting and circumstances different as they may be. Neither were unfamiliar with deathmatch wrestling, perhaps even finding themselves thriving in it. The examples could go on and on, but it's very easy to see the ways the duo reflected one another.

I know I'm just a copy That carries on the stain

Though Lockhart has long since admired Anna Daniels, there was an undercurrent of inferiority there as well; The Time Lord's success in the initial Almasy tournament. Their Intense Title win. Confident, successful, established. Anna was everything RIA was not. She strived to match the accomplishments of her ‘sister’, surpassing Daniels never considered to be a realistic possibility. But it would never keep her from trying.

Lockhart lost to Anna in the round of 16 of the 2023 Sekei Saikyou Cup. It was a charged, fierce affair where both seemed to bring the best out of each other. Over in SHOOT Project in 2024, RIA defended the Premier championship against Daniels and managed the victory. But Lockhart could tell her sister’s heart wasn't in the match. They weren't fully invested. Even now, the Psychoberry wondered if her ceiling was as a second rate Anna Daniels.

We make the same mistakes

('Cause) we are one in the same

A few different times during their conversations over the years, Daniels gave guidance to the Psychoberry. More than once, it was from experience, their footsteps having felt the road RIA walked on. Though their experiences may not have been exact in detail, they were similar enough that Anna could impart knowledge Lockhart lacked. These talks forged the Muse’s ‘big sister’ role far more than the words themselves would imply.

Perhaps this was part of Anna's frustration with RIA? It seemed no matter what advice was given (to include matters of common sense), it seemed Lockhart would rather suffer such errors as opposed to heeding the input. It wasn't that she never listened. It was more that she fell into the trappings Daniels had. History repeating that could have been avoided.

(But) we leave behind the stain I cannot separate

Even as their union was forcibly severed, they remain connected. January 7th, 2022. Almost four years ago at this point. They interacted for the first time on jabber. The topic? Marriage. Anna was happily betrothed. To this day, Lockhart hasn't taken vows (though her current relationship has lasted for over a year). After the brutal match at Great American Nightmare 2022 to crown the initial Intense champion of the ReVival era, Ria Nightshade received medical attention with The Anglo Luchador after a failed attempt to protect him from a raging Balaam. When Nightshade mentioned respecting people, Anna was the first name out of Battaglia’s mouth.

Sometime in May of 2022 (RIA herself couldn't tell you an exact date), the two were calling each other sister. It was unique for her; she was the oldest of three. All but one of her numerous cousins were younger than her. Having a sibling like closeness where any question could be asked while also being able to get guidance from gained wisdom? It did matter to Lockhart. It always did. It still did. No matter what Anna did… they would always be bound by their history.

All that lies in me All that dies in me How can I live without you?

How can she live without Anna? It was a question Lockhart had been asking herself a lot lately. Yes, she has an abundance of friends. She has a significant other in Angel, the relationship positive and fulfilling. But there was no replacing her ‘sister’. Anna had called her a problem child. It wasn't meant in a biting way. It wasn't judgement. In fact, they professed liking problem children. It was the start of something deeper, Daniels capable of challenging RIA in a way she actually responded positively to.

The Time Lord was a big piece of pulling Lockhart back to the forefront over Nightshade. It may not have been their intention (and you can bet Anna would either say as much or view it as a mistake nowadays), but Daniels helped her move past the inner pain and turmoil RIA was reveling in. She grew. Yes, the Psychoberry did the leg work, but Anna had designated a number of important landmarks on the map. Very few could claim to have the personal and professional impact on her like the Gallifreian (Gallifreinese? Gallifreyer?) had.

So the date was set for their battle. RIA Lockhart would stand across the ring one more time from someone that owned a piece of her heart and soul. There was no compromises to be made. There would be no more talk. Only action. The Steel Hart would be leaving everything in the ring. She had no choice. No, there was no ultimatum given, no prize to be earned. Losing wouldn't kill her, winning wouldn't reverse damage done. But still, she would fight with all she had. RIA had spent her life fighting in some way, struggling in some battle. This wasn't the fear of her stepdad. It wasn't the belittlement of her classmates. It wasn't even the hatred of people that didn't understand her.

This meant so much more to her. This… is for RIA. For them. For Anna.

Life is crazy. If you had told me a year ago that I'd be taking on Anna Daniels at Colossus, I'd ask what fuckin’ alternate universe you were coming from. Not only that, but if I were to hear that our relationship completely fell apart, I might have had a heart attack. Yet here we are. These things happened and that truth? It stings.

Part of the reason it stings is cuz I did have a hand in where this all went. Yeah, I'm not running from that anymore. It can be hard looking in the mirror sometimes, facing those faults that expose the uglier sides of who we are. I've struggled with feeling physically ugly a good chunk of my life without facing my emotional scars. It's funny, cuz getting battered within an inch of my life doesn't cause even an ounce of distress for me. The inner turmoil? That's what scares me.

And I know I fucked up. Yes, Anna, you were right to a degree. I was selfish and inconsiderate. I said you didn't talk to me, that you left me in the dark. But I didn't exactly do the best job of being proactive myself, did I? And I broke my promise to you… the one I made after Sid split with me. I said I'd have your back, even if I didn't agree with what you were doing. I failed at that. I can apologize till I'm blue in the face but that's not gonna be enough. Still… I am truly sorry.

But let's not overlook that you attacked me, Anna. You fuckin' blindsided me. No matter how pissed you were, you have to know that was bullshit. You could've walked up to me and punched me in the nose cuz I wouldn't be ready for it, coming from you. It wasn't till ReVival 79 that we even actually set our match up. So yeah, even though I did fuck up, you decided to meet that by trying to put a fire out with a Molotov cocktail!

So this match… It's for both of us. You want it, maybe even need it, to punish me for what I've done to you. There's very few people I'd want to hurt less than you, Anna. Yes, I've been jealous and petulant of and towards the company you keep at times. There is a certain irony there, though. I'm owning where I fucked up. What about you? Cuz you've shown pretty much no remorse. You're so certain you're absolutely right, though you seem to be the only one that sees it.

I just want us to move on, whatever that might mean. Maybe we're broken, our bond never to be repaired. But maybe… after all of this… we can rebuild. I don't believe our metaphorical piece of earth is salted or scorched. It may take awhile, maybe even years, to grow something beautiful on it again. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. I won't believe that.

But that's not it. I need this too. I pulled away from Vae Victis. I'm making a serious effort to stand on my own, whether I succeed or fail. A while ago, you said you want me to fight. So I will. But I'm gonna do it my way; left fist of fun, right hand of love. I'm gonna use our time in the ring together to talk to you in a way we've never really explored; a physical intimacy not quite like anything else. I wanna feel you release your anger and frustration, Anna. I'll make you feel my regret, my joy and my love. That's what we can give each other.

I love you, Anna. No matter what happens, a piece of my heart will always belong to you. I called you my twin flame. That wasn't just said to mess with you. You think I'm gonna leave? Walk away? Every time I have, I eventually find my way back to you, if you don't do so first. I'll always be a spectre, floating around your being. Whether I'm haunting you or keeping an amorous hand on your shoulder, I'll be there. This isn't our end, but it might be the most significant chapter in our story. See you soon… Sis.