Can Money Buy Happiness? (The Answer May Surprise You!)

11.05.25 (Or Thereabouts) Undisclosed Location Following a delightful romp at the lair of Dr. Ayumi Sato, the Masters of the Moscowverse enter the Chevy Camero waiting for them at the end of the curiously long driveway. Sitting in the driver’s seat is Kent Ramsey, looking at the pair from the rear view mirror with a smile. “So,” he starts, as the rear doors on either side come to a close. “How’d the party go, fellas?” We get nary a response from Randall, the libations of the evening finally taking their toll on his mind as he ends up just muttering under his breath. Fortunately for Kent (and frankly, for us), Kenny’s response comes in much more clear as he adjusts his seat belt. “It went pretty good,” Kenny says, the click of his belt signifying he will not be forcing a traffic citation upon the ace reporter. “The Atomic Punks have received their invitation to come out swingin’...” That last word just draws a loud cackle from The Entertainer, the last thing we hear from him before he passes out. “...and we’ll be seeing them soon enough. For now, though, it’s back to the hotel for us, bud. I got a package to get prepped and sent out first thing tomorrow.” “A package?” “A package,” Kenny replies with a nod. “Finally getting around to distributing a tape we made a while back, and we know just the Luchador to have it shipped to.” The response draws a look of near-disgust from Ramsey as he starts up the car. “No, not that kinda tape,” Kenny says with a sigh as the trio make their way through the main gate. “We’re delivering a message about the stipulation for our match at Colossus.” “Best of One Fall!” Randall exclaims, jolting awake from his slumber. “We had a hell of a classic against the Winds of Change, and by gum we almost had ‘em. God, that was nearly TWO years ago Kenny. Where has the time gone?” “Right in the toilet,” Kenny says. “Ready to flush away, ready to start over again. That’s what this year’s Colossus is all about, starting over. Been a rough couple years, but I’m ready to prove myself to the haters and the doubters.” “Well then,” Kent states with another smile, the Camero arriving at a nearby highway. “Let’s get to it, boys. Off to the hotel, and then onto Hotlanta!” “Hotlanta?” asks Randall, visibly confused by the use of the jargon. “It’s the dead of winter, we’ll be lucky if the place ain’t snowed in when we get there.” This gets a furrowed brow from the reporter, and the Camero drives off into the night as the scene fades into a montage comprised of shots of the Masters arriving at a nearby post office to drop off the package, the three men in the Camero driving along the interstate system, and even a shot or two of a perplexed Anglo Luchador watching the Best of One Fall Matches For Dummies video during ReVival 79. The montage comes to an end as the group makes their way into the state of Georgia, and Kenny’s phone vibrates to draw his attention away from the road. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, giving the screen a glance to find a text from his mother. “They found Jack.” “What!?” Kenny is exacerbated by the news, before he starts typing away to send a reply. “Where did they find him at?” After a moment, the phone indicates a reply from his mom. “Some mountain range outside Moscow. We gotta get him home ASAP, call me as soon as you can so we can figure this out.” Kenny can’t help but let out a heavy sigh, realizing he’s about to have a long winter ahead of him after Colossus. He musters up just enough strength to send one last text back. “Will do.” With that, he pockets his phone as we see the car making its exit off the main freeway.

Colossus 2022, Masters of the Multiverse took on the Dangerous Mix and the Egg Bandits pairing of Bobby Dean and Doozer. I haven’t forgotten that night, not by a long shot. Matter of fact, sometimes I feel like a part of me was lobbed away when Bobby got the drop on me. Some part of my soul still sunk deep within the man’s belly flap. No disrespect, Bobby. Moments like that are what led me to reluctantly join the Red Army. As much as I’d like to blame Randall’s insistence on being a part of the cause, I recognize that deep down I have been looking to regain that missing piece of me, to bring back a shred of dignity and respect to my name…and look where it’s gotten me. Looked down upon, the setup to a really bad joke about failing time and time again. The punchline always ends up the same, “and then the lights get counted up in the ceiling.”

Colossus 2023, Masters of the Moscowverse go up against the then-Glue Man Group aka Winds of Change. We were meant to be the masters of the Best of One Fall Match, and yet it just wasn’t our night. Left to regroup, I went through 2024 trying to find myself again… …and finding nothing but the void staring back at me. Too many losses to count, and just to add insult to injury I didn’t even make it to Colossus last year. Very low expectations for your boy going into the biggest show of the year. The perfect time to prove people wrong. When I beat The Anglo Luchador, it’s only gonna take One Fall to do it. I’m gonna be twenty bucks richer, and most importantly, I’ll be the one having a laugh to wrap up 2025.

Later That Day Crowne Plaza Atlanta Atlanta, Georgia “And as soon as I get done here, as soon as I earn that twenty bucks, I’ll talk to Ivan about getting back to Moscow.” We catch the tail end of a very important conversation between Kenny and his mother from the hotel room, Kenny nodding as if she can see it from her end of the call. “Yeah, I know,” he replies to something we don’t get to listen in on. “I know exactly how this sounds, but it’s more about teaching this guy some respect. I have too much riding on this, but as soon as the dust is settled I will see to it that Jack makes his way home. I’ve done a lot for the Red Army the past couple years, I think Ivan will give me that much.” Kenny stops for a moment, listening to what his mom has to say. He nods once more, a faint smile forming on his face. “Yeah, I know. Love you too.” Just as he hangs up to end the call however, Kenny hears the strangest sound from the hallway. At first, a meow…eventually forming human-sounding words. “Hey, open up!” Kenny stares at the hotel door. “Kitty Freeman,” he mutters under his breath, rising from his bed. “I can’t believe it’s followed us all the way to…” Kenny doesn’t get to finish that thought as he opens the door, seeing that the kitten is not alone. Standing beside him are the feral Randall and gentlemanly Kenneth…but also, a mountain of a man sporting a luxurious gray beard and looking like he just stepped out of Sunday service. “Mister Freeman,” the tall man says with a gruff tone of voice. “My name is Jon Malakai, and I’ve been told you can help me get home.” “I’m sorry bud,” Kenny replies, shaking his head. “I’m not exactly a taxi ser--” Before he can finish, Kenny is grabbed by the throat by Malakai…and slammed against the wall beside the door. This nearly knocks the air out of his lungs, but he narrowly manages to escape the big man’s grasp before making a beeline for the nearest exit, leaving us with the sight of a very angry behemoth as the scene fades to black.