The World Rearranging

[music]

-

“So, little arrow, what story do you want to hear today?”

The younger daughter considered the father’s question for a few moments, studying his tired expression.

Daddy was always tired, but he had the bestest stories. The father was always willing to tell those stories of course, as he enjoyed reliving those moments for himself when he was still able-bodied. These days, he’d spend plenty of nights in her bedroom, far away from the spotlights and mayhem that had been his everyday life.

She also knew how restless he’d become after he told his stories. She wondered if her father told the stories to her because it was the only way he could live those memories again. She believed that she was doing her part in being his audience, even if the older daughter wanted nothing to do with those stories.

“I want to hear something… I don’t know, nice?”

“Nice?”

“Well, you always tell the scary stories.”

“That’s because you usually ask for the scary stories, honey.”

She giggled, because that was certainly true.

“Something nice, huh?” The father mused, looking up at the ceiling as he considered the many tales he could tell. The father’s adventures had spanned for three decades across six continents – never could get Antarctica to work – and he had more stories to tell than most even in the same line of work. After all, he’d been such an avid traveler, absorbing the many unique cultures of the world.

“Well, there might’ve been something nice, not long after I had you and finally got all civilized. I could tell you about it.”

The father settled in his seat, and the daughter sat with rapt attention.

“So, a while back…” *.* A long time ago across a vast ocean, there was a great castle that stood as a sentinel over a vast land. They built it up on a hill ages ago, and it loomed over all that its Lord could see.

I don’t know how long it’d been there. Generations upon generations built up that castle, adding extensions and building secrets upon secrets. It’s said that even its current Lord didn’t know all of his own home’s secrets.

The Lord Financier who lived there was a vexing man, equal parts my enemy and my kindred spirit. We’re similar in more ways than either of us would admit. We both loved what we did. We both were legendarily accomplished at it. And sometimes that’d lead to us getting into battles that your father never won. Oh no! That’s a story for another time.

It’d grown dark when I arrived, flush with loot from my latest conquests. Baubles and trinkets that had some worth, but certainly not what the Lord Financier had in his coffers. I was sore from the long trip there. My last conquest took much out of me, and I didn’t get a lot of rest before I got shoved into a private jet and brought to the Lord Financier’s doorstep.

A storm brewed overhead, and the wind blew rain in all directions but especially mine.

I trudged through the rain to the front gate while my umbrella threatened to carry me away like I’m a magical nanny. There, I was greeted with a man so Scottish that his brow came pre-furrowed. His name was Dirk, and I can’t tell you his last name without getting in trouble with your mother. I’m pretty sure his is a distinguished family, though. At least, I’m going to assume that because the alternative is that someone named that boy Dirk Dic—

Whoops, almost let that slip… Ahh, anyway, someone named him a funny name because it made them giggle. That’s what I was trying to say.

Dirk’s brow was extra furrowed on that day. After all, we’ve never really seen eye-to-eye. I was, after all, a man who was once a bitter foe to the Lord Financier. I’d bet he concluded any conversation he had with Cecilworth with “and furthermore, the King of Conquerors must be destroyed.” All he knew was that he was out there to receive me and to complain about receiving me in this weather.

We climbed up sixty-eight steps to reach the main entrance of the castle. It was sixty-eight because the Lord Financier heard it was a certain number of steps before and chose to add an extra one... or subtract one? It’s one of those two.

The foyer of the castle was rich in… richness. As in, everything was decorated in ostentatious golds and silvers. Illegally poached ivory, floors made of shag carpet more expensive than our house, and an honest-to-god taxidermied griffin head.

There, I saw the Lord Financier for the first time in almost a year. His was a truly magnificent presence, the kind you don’t quite appreciate just watching him on some video tape. Some people, little arrow, could live up to the name “Lord” through presence alone.

He was wearing swimming trunks, a snorkel, and some flippers.

He explained to me that I’d arrived just when he was about to go take a swim in his comically oversized vault full of money. Can you even swim in money? No, but don’t tell your Uncle Cecilworth that. He gets real pouty. *.* Did you know, little arrow, that the world is always changing? It is? Sure, it might not seem as such going outside and playing with your friends, but the world we live in is an intricate clockwork of chaos. It works because we work hand-in-hand with our neighbors to make order from that chaos. It works because it doesn’t work, and because it doesn’t work, we have to make it work.

The world we live in is like an intricate spherical puzzle, pieces slotting this way and that, but you can never finish the puzzle. Eventually, you run out of pieces and you don’t know if you messed it up or not, and so your only recourse is to take it back apart again and rearrange it all again. Sometimes, in the course of rearranging, you lose a piece or two. Sometimes, you gain a few more pieces and you don’t know where they came from, like some mysterious fae is messing with your understanding of how the puzzle works.

Your daddy’s pretty familiar with the chaos, because he lived it.

Day in and day out, I’d travel the world and the seven seas and wage battles across the seven continents. Even Antarctica? Isn’t that super cold? I mean…

Okay, that’s also a story for another time. I should keep a list! Oh, please don’t. You’ll be in college by the time I’ve told you every story I’ve got.

Anyway, the point I’m getting at is that the world’s always rearranging, and it’s bigger and more beautiful and dynamic than just where we live. Some people say that it’s all the same no matter where you go, and that’s true in some ways. But the best part about the human experience is that there’s a lot of different ones and they’re all awesome.

One aspect about this ever-changing world of ours, though…

Sometimes, little arrow, you build something beautiful. You sculpt it from years and decades of toil and tumult, and that accomplishment is still recognized even as other and grander accomplishments have happened before and since. After all, people built empires from the Universe, but only your father could make it shine enough to want to build them in the first place. 

And sometimes, when the good work of polishing the Universe to a fine sheen is done, you have to go away for a while. To raise your family. To conquest elsewhere. To reconnect with old friends. To accomplish goals you set aside in the past. Then you return to find that someone had built a mighty empire upon the bones of your old one.

That’s what the Lord Financier did in my absence. The whole dang world rearranged.

The old up felt like the new down, topsy became turvy. I left that world in the hands of the Lord Financier to build its future, and when I came back, so much had changed as to be unrecognizable. There were unknowable boys of lasagna. The big boat that your daddy once owned went on ice.

The Lord Financier gave me a tour of his castle that I’d already had before, all dripping rooms and ever-burning hedge mazes. He did this while still in his flippers, of course. Occasionally, a masked henchman would appear out of a trash can or a secret door – often catching even the Lord Financier off-guard – and try to cause us trouble. I would be encouraged to hit them in the big bright weak spot on their chests, and then he would glowingly say that he was glad he didn’t “cancel the puddies” this time. What does that mean? It means your daddy and his friends watched too many Saturday morning television shows as kids.

The Lord Financier eventually led me to his conference room. There, he changed into something less scandalous and gave me his pitch over a plate of the finest fish he could find on a table so long that we likely needed telephones just to talk to one another.

He wanted me to walk into battle with him. Once more, side-by-side.

He wanted me to help him do battle with the Lizard King, a leGend - yes, the G is emphasized - a traitorous Hawaiian, and… with your Uncle Kerry. Oh no, you had to fight Uncle Kerry!? Yup, him and his entire back tattoo that definitely once tried to come alive and eat your father. His tattoo is sooooo crazy! Yeah, I definitely think he went to the tattoo artist, looked him in the eye, and said “Yes.” And that’s what he got. So, what did you do? Well, I did what anyone reasonable would do in my situation.

I screamed incoherently at the Lord Financier, threw a fish in his direction, missed because not even an NFL quarterback could’ve made that throw, threw another one just to prove I could do it, failed again, and then took almost five minutes to storm out of the conference room in a huff.

They should not build conference rooms that big. *.* Do you know what the hardest part of change is, little arrow? What’s that? Acceptance. Ummm… what? So, when I visited the Lord Financier at his castle before, it was I that held the Universe in my hands. I was the man at the center, the veritable King of Conquerors.

Now, the Universe belonged to him.

It never even crossed my mind until I’d reunited with him again that day that a small part of me still yearned to have it in my hands again. Typical in my profession, I suppose. Everybody chases the biggest prize they can, and nobody’s ever satisfied with the glories they’ve captured, even when their time’s come and gone. Most don’t admit this.

The Lord Financier surely knew that when he invited me. Eccentric and weird as your Uncle Cecilworth is, he knows how people tick better than anyone I’ve ever met.

Sure, I fancied myself different from my contemporaries who lingered on well past the point where their bodies could handle it. I knew when my time was up and I could walk away. I thought that I could step away, let the Lord Financier hold the Universe in his hands, and fade away to your bedside.

I thought I could accept that I was done.

But while the brain knows that, the heart still wants what it wants.

Maybe that’s why I was doing smaller conquests around the globe at this time. You’d just been born, and your mother had graciously given me some more time to wrap up all of my affairs. And I wanted to do something fun to ride out those affairs and feel a little sense of accomplishment before I faded away, but…

…Well, the Lord Financier definitely knows how I tick.

We are, after all, far too alike.

The one thing we had most in common was that our first love was the ring. Um, really? Not me? Don’t pout, little arrow. Even though you and Aoi and your mom all came after my first love, I love all of you very much.

I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for you girls.

In any case, the Lord Financier knew that he could tempt me back into our old stomping grounds.

He just needed time for me to accept. *.* Anyway, not long after this was when I ran into a tall tale.

Literally. You ran into the chupacabra!? Uh, well, he’s definitely chupacabra-adjacent.

We call him Big John.

Just so you know, little arrow, that name? Not a misnomer. I had to crane my neck to look up at his face, and as you well know, your daddy is not that small of a man himself. He was a man of rippling muscles and rippling mustache and other unspoken things that also rippled. He looked like a big version of that nice park ranger we met on our last picnic. Kind eyes, dead ringer for Teddy Roosevelt. Oh, and he was accompanied by…

…wait, thinking of a proper family title for him, uhhhh…

Roommate Fred. Oh no, not Roommate Fred! The same.

My good old enemy for life.

Thankfully, I don’t think he recognized me. My hair went back to my natural black not long after I relinquished the Universe, and even though the forehead’s the same, I don’t think he realized that I was his enemy for life.

Still, I had to ask what the hell he was doing in Farthington Manor.

Turned out, Big John was also invited to the team, and Roommate Fred was his manager. Now, your daddy’s never had a manager, little arrow, but I’d have to think that a man who claims to have thralls is not the most optimal choice of one.

Still, Big John gently scolded me in this moment.

He could’ve thrown those fish at the Lord Financier, no problem, no questions asked. He also assured me that it wasn’t something he would actually do, because throwing fish is rude to both the Lord Financier and to the fish. But… he’s right, daddy. Look. Yeah? …

Listen. I’m listening! …

Alright, so anyway… Hey! …Big John encouraged me to consider the power of friendship and teamwork, and that he would be happy to team up with the Lord Financier and myself if it meant forging such things. I could see Roommate Fred rolling his eyes as he said all this, but Big John did make a good point. The Lord Financier and I made for a formidable team.

He also encouraged me to punch a lumberjack in the mouth if I ever saw one before he left me to my own devices. Did you? I clocked Chainsaw Rafferty in the face with a Rhongomyniad that one time, so I think my lumberjack karma is pretty square. Not really a punch, I admit, but that guy was a real jerko—

Jerk. He was a real jerk. *.* Sometimes, you don’t realize a change happened until you stop and look around.

The world I left still had shadows of what I left behind. Aunt Lindsay still ran the place – and don’t you dare tell her I called her “Aunt” Lindsay, so help me Anubis – Uncle Brandon was back, the le-Gend was a champion again, Uncle Jiles… Well, you know Uncle Jiles. Ewww. Ha.

But there was still much that was unfamiliar to me.

The Lizard King was against and not for the Lord Financier, and I couldn’t tell if it was healthy competition or if he was driven by Lizard reasons. The Universe was often a compelling reason for many to turn away friendships, after all. All I knew was that when I visited the Lord Financier, the dripping room might as well been closed for renovations.

The Hawaiian had turned against his Russian masters, just as he’d turned against Rip Van Luchador. Where his loyalty truly lied, I didn’t know. I suspected it was only to himself, regardless of whomever else he hurts.

At least you’d be happy to know that your Uncle Kerry’s still the same guy we both know, at least. Yay! The point is, change happens to everyone.

I used to be young like you, for example. Really? That’s crazy! I know, right? You probably think I came into this world looking exactly as old and forehead-y as I am now. But no, I was once a child. I was once a young adult, too. I had my hopes and dreams, and I tried my best to achieve every one of them.

Never made it to the point where I could wrestle on the moon, I suppose. *.* Gonna talk about Danny now. Danny!? Just Danny. Can he be, I don’t know, Firefighter Danny or something? Feels super weird that he doesn’t get a title but Roommate Fred does. Okay, you got me there.

So, Firefighter Danny… Yay, Firefighter Danny! Firefighter Danny’s one of those “not there to make friends” types. He looks at me with the disdain of a man who thinks the same of me, because he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t want in the castle. He’d rather chase his own glories than a shared glory. He’d rather, I don’t know, fight fires.

Here’s what I knew when I looked in his eyes, though.

Maybe he’s a guy who only focuses on the picture-in-picture on the 72” monitor taking up all the space in the living room. Laser-focused on all of the trees on fire, forgetting sometimes that it’s the whole dang forest that’s on fire. I get that.

But that man puts the fighter in firefighter, as in he’d light his fists on fire if it let him knock his opponent out. So, he sets his hands on fire and punches fire? That doesn’t sound like it works! My metaphors got real mixed up when you insisted on “Firefighter Danny.”

Anyway, Danny gives me this mean mug as I’m walking around gathering my thoughts about the Lord Financier’s proposal. I get it. Guy comes in with a title like “King of Conquerors” and you take his measure to see if you bring him down. And maybe something like that would’ve happened.

Then Big John came into the room… With the minotaur. What!? A minotaur!? The minotaur.

They came into the room like the bell just rang and were throwing haymakers at each other. Broke a whole door. One slammed the other into a conveniently-placed table, and then the reverse happened once your Uncle Hank walked in with a table and set it down near them. Uncle Hank sounds so much more helpful than my other Uncles. That’s like saying water quenches your thirst better than sawdust.

Without a word to each other, Firefighter Danny and I jumped in. Together, the three of us repelled the minotaur and his giant steel chair battle ax, sending it back to the burning hedge maze from whence it came.

Most exhausting thing I’d ever done since that whole mess with the Godslayer.

As the three of us lay exhausted and panting, the Lord Financier dropped by. He nodded approvingly at all of us, writing notes in his notebook as though that’s the thing you did in that situation. He then snapped his fingers and the Lasagna Boys appeared to bring everyone celebratory teaming up snacks. What’s a Lasagna Boy? …

You know… I still don’t know.

Nobody ever gave me a satisfactory answer. *.* I’m too old and ragged to go on any more adventures, little arrow.

The days when I would go galavanting around the world and plunder the championship gold of the world for myself have long passed. They might still talk about me as a legend or a tall tale in hushed tones, afraid I might return to haunt them once again. I don’t know.

Change can be scary.

It’s an unknown horizon full of hardship and having to relearn what the world really is, and accepting that is hard.

But there’s one other thing about change you should know, little arrow.

The more things change, the more things are still the same.

While I don’t go out on my adventures and scare the heck out of your mom doing so, I’m still the same guy I was back then. I’m still drifting, day-by-day, content with my life and how I’ve lived it. I still have a pretty good family, both with you guys and the family I built out there in the pro wrestling world. Some of your uncles are still your father’s closest friends.

I still think that what your father did for a living is very, very awesome.

Change doesn’t have to be scary if you’re brave enough to face it.

And so I accepted the Lord Financier’s offer.

Pretty nice, right?